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February 13, 2012
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February 7, 2012
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Jeffrey Fleishman: In newly democratic Egypt, tens of democracy activists jailed, to stand trial; their groups are 'threatening the stability of the homeland'
Julie Deardorff : Researchers say antioxidants may not be that effective and could do more harm than good
Mark Clayton: How did Anonymous hackers eavesdrop on FBI and Scotland Yard?
February 3, 2012
Edmund Sanders : Israeli official says Iran is creating missile that could reach East Coast of US
Victoria Kim: Immigrant-smuggling ring used black drivers to avoid racial profiling
February 2, 2012
Jim Carney: Wrong number call may have saved her life
Reza Kahlili : Ex-CIA spy in Iran's Revolutionary Guard: What Obama doesn't grasp about striking deals with Tehran
Tina Susman: For woodchuck rescuer, every day is Groundhog Day
February 1, 2012
Brian Bennett: US officials see increasing threat of domestic attack from Iran
Emily Brandon: How to Take Advantage of New 401(k) Fee Disclosures
January 31, 2012
January 30, 2012
Paul Richter and Ramin Mostaghim: Misreading Teheran's limits -- deadly and economically devastating as they may be -- is a risk administration, Europe seem willing to take
Suzanne Bohan: Warning: Nap-deprived tots missing more than sleep, study finds
Meg Handley: Banks Revamping Rewards Programs to Woo Customers
January 27, 2012
Caroline B. Glick: Obama: Of course I intend to prevent a nuclear holocaust . . . in a few months
Yochonon Donn: In liberal New York City, fervently-Orthodox Jews may soon be getting a district to call their own
Jeannine Stein: An inflated ego and thinking you're 'all that' doesn't just make others sick of you, it can make you ill
Katy Hopkins: New budget rules may affect how much money you get for college
January 26, 2012
Ed Koch: To the New York Times, calling for the murder of Jews by those capable of having their incitement taken seriously isn't news
Jeannine Stein: Mental illness struck one in five U.S. adults in 2010: Report
January 25, 2012
Richard Simon: House passes two bills endorsing the use of religious symbols at military memorials
Fred Weir: Putin: Multiethnic Russia cannot survive as a US-style 'melting pot'; must find its own way
Susan Johnston: 5 Sneaky Coupon Strategies Consumers Should Watch Out For
January 24, 2012
Carol Clark: The price of your soul: How your brain decides whether to 'sell out'
Caroline B. Glick: America lost most in 'Arab Spring'. Sadly, many voters still don't grasp the extent
Warren Richey: Drug criminal scores win in GPS ruling from conservative-leaning high court
Erika Bolstad: Black conservatives gather to talk about gaining strength
January 23, 2012
Melissa Dribben: Jewish voters to play a key role in Florida's Republican primary
Jordan Rau: In quest to grow, Catholic hospital system will announce this morning its break from church
Ali Safi: U.S. envoy gives Taliban terms for peace talks
January 19, 2012
January 18, 2012
January 17, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney Jr.: No-kidding red lines: U.S. response to an Iranian nuke may be bluster, but Israel's won't be
David G. Savage: They sued their principals after slandering them online --- now the cases are headed to the Supreme Court
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January 13, 2012
Ben Lynfield: Israeli lawmakers move to annex Jewish Judea, one museum at a time
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January 12, 2012
Warren Richey: Landmark Supreme Court ruling a 'resounding win' for religious groups
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January 11, 2012
Shari Roan: Millions of atrial fibrillation sufferers at risk for devastating, but preventable, stroke
Tom Hussain: Pakistan -- recipient of more than $21 billion in civilian and military aid -- speeds pursuit of Iranian pipeline, defying US
David G. Savage: High court signals it won't be loosening TV's 'indecency' rules
Stephen Ceasar: Oklahoma's Islamic law amendment can't go into effect, court rules
January 10, 2012
Reza Kahlili: From an ex-CIA spy: US must exploit new split in Iran's Revolutionary Guard
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January 9, 2012
Michael Doyle: Put through legal hell over dream home, couple fought back hard --- all the way to Supreme Court
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Jewish World Review
To be alone
Rabbi Dov Fischer
It took my divorce to understand fully all of those sermons that I had preached over the years about caring for the orphan, the widowed, the poor, the stranger
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
With approximately half of American marriages ending in divorce, the social crisis unfolding within the American Family Institution concerned me deeply as a congregational rabbi during the 1980s and '90s, my first two decades in the pulpit. I spoke about it. I wrote about it.
And then I experienced it.
Life suddenly takes on a fascinating aspect when theory steps aside to make place for reality. In theory, for example, we love the Jewish People. In reality, however, do we love the Jew next door? I learned this during my seventeen months between marriages.
During that year and a half, I learned how lonely Sabbath can be as a Single. As an Orthodox Jew, my Sabbath does not include traveling by car, watching TV, shopping for stuff, or blogging. Rather, my Sabbath is a Day of Rest celebrated within the conceptual framework circumscribed by the Written and Oral laws of the Torah, found in the Chumash and Talmud.
When you are married, an Orthodox Sabbath is wonderful. It can be even sweeter with kids growing up at home. The wonderfully long and festive Friday night dinners. Adorning the table with fine china, crystal, and silver. You talk about your week and learn about everyone else's. You discuss the Torah portion, maybe even argue ideas stemming from it. The kids share their drawings of Abraham and Sarah, challah and candlesticks. As they get older, they engage the discussions, too. As the meal starts winding down, we sing the special Sabbath table songs. Afterwards, we relax. Maybe we study Torah. Maybe we read books. Maybe we get on the floor and have a rematch of last week's "Scrabble" game or "Apples to Apples."
On Sabbath morning, we walk to shul. Few memories in a lifetime are as sweet as the parent's twenty-minute walk to shul with his or her child every Sabbath morning. The day is spent with family, with friends. More Torah discussion and learning, more singing and relaxing. Another "Scrabble" rematch.
It took my divorce to teach me that Sabbath, for a Single, can get very, very lonely. You eat by yourself, sing to yourself, play "Scrabble" with yourself. It took my divorce to understand fully all those sermons I had preached over the years about caring for the orphan, the widowed, the poor, the stranger. The contemporary addition: the unmarried adult.
In this week's Torah portion, Ki Seitzei (Deuteronomy 21:10-25:19), we read: "Do not pervert the justice due a convert and an orphan, and do not take the garment of a widow wrongly as a pledge for a loan. And remember that you were a slave in Egypt . . . ." (Deut. 24:17-18) Moreover, when you reap your agricultural harvest, leave behind the bundle that you forget, the gleanings that you drop, a corner of your field, some olives on the tree, some grapes on the vine - leave that for the convert, the orphan, and the widow because you were a slave in Egypt. (See, e.g., verses 19-22.)
What does my slavery in Egypt have to do with someone else being a convert, an orphan, or a widow? It is a personalized, raw and grating reminder of what it feels like to be out of normative social status. Sure, everyone "felt" for the widow and orphan, while "admiring" the convert. But feelings and admiration do not sate an appetite or provide shelter from the storm. So the Torah reminds us: You know how it feels. You personally experienced social helplessness and abandonment. You know what it feels like not to be rooted in the same garden where everyone else is planted. Just think back to the days when you were a slave, and you will know what to do.
I often challenge my rabbinic colleagues -- not all -- for failing adequately to sensitize our communities to the needs and social status of the unmarried. Some feel that Singles are not worth the time because, at best, they pay only half a family membership, and they probably will leave the temple anyway if they do marry. Besides, they have JDate and Frumster, and there are "matchmakers." It almost sounds like a bad parody of Ebenezer Scrooge waving off those soliciting alms for the needy: Are there no poor houses?
Are there no "matchmakers"? Are there no websites? Are there no Singles Mixers?
If you know someone unmarried, bring that person into your Sabbath home. Invite him or her regularly to Sabbath meals. Arrange with others in your temple to assure that Singles get to meet others, that the widowed and the divorced enjoy the warmth of the Shabbat home. For this -- and only this -- one issue, become a busybody and ask friends whether they know someone who could be a good match. Not a "matchmakers"? You are hereby deputized.
In my day, two married women saw me through my dark period. Lilli Kahn-Rose made sure that I never had Sabbath meals alone, and Linda Scharlin matched me with the love of my life, Ellen. Ten years later, I have never forgotten what they did. That is how much this mitzvah means: Remember the orphaned, the widowed, the stranger --- and the unmarried. Because you once were single and alone, too.
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Comment by clicking here. JWR contributor Rabbi Dov Fischer is an adjunct professor of law at Loyola Law School in Los Angeles and serves as the rabbi of Young Israel of Orange County.
Previously:
Give Your Rabbi a Break
© 2010, Rabbi Dov Fischer
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