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February 10, 2012
Lisa M. Krieger: Man with defibrillator demands access to his own heart's information
David G. Savage: Why activists may not be in a hurry to have High Court rule on alternative marriage
February 9, 2012
Laura McMullen: 10 Least Expensive Public Schools for Out-of-State Students
Kimberly Palmer: How to actually enjoy -- relaxing, financially -- your vacation
February 8, 2012
Warren Richey: Why momentous Prop. 8 ruling might not satisfy gay-rights groups
Menachem Wecker: Though Controversial, LL.M.'s Can Lead to Specialized Legal Jobs
The Kosher Gourmet byDana Velden: Going to the bother of making soup? You know it better be good. This CREAM OF TOMATO SOUP certainly is! And it's a cinch to make, too (Includes techinques and serving secrets)
February 7, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Caught off-guard? President's Super Bowl interview with Matt Lauer gives those who need a reason not to vote for him, a darn good one
Suzanne Bohan: Leaping lizards! Tiny reptiles advancing robot design
February 6, 2012
Jonathan Tobin: Iran Threatens Israel With Destruction, But the New York Times Doesn't Hear It
Jeffrey Fleishman: In newly democratic Egypt, tens of democracy activists jailed, to stand trial; their groups are 'threatening the stability of the homeland'
Julie Deardorff : Researchers say antioxidants may not be that effective and could do more harm than good
Mark Clayton: How did Anonymous hackers eavesdrop on FBI and Scotland Yard?
February 3, 2012
Edmund Sanders : Israeli official says Iran is creating missile that could reach East Coast of US
Victoria Kim: Immigrant-smuggling ring used black drivers to avoid racial profiling
February 2, 2012
Jim Carney: Wrong number call may have saved her life
Reza Kahlili : Ex-CIA spy in Iran's Revolutionary Guard: What Obama doesn't grasp about striking deals with Tehran
Tina Susman: For woodchuck rescuer, every day is Groundhog Day
February 1, 2012
Brian Bennett: US officials see increasing threat of domestic attack from Iran
Emily Brandon: How to Take Advantage of New 401(k) Fee Disclosures
January 31, 2012
January 30, 2012
Paul Richter and Ramin Mostaghim: Misreading Teheran's limits -- deadly and economically devastating as they may be -- is a risk administration, Europe seem willing to take
Suzanne Bohan: Warning: Nap-deprived tots missing more than sleep, study finds
Meg Handley: Banks Revamping Rewards Programs to Woo Customers
January 27, 2012
Caroline B. Glick: Obama: Of course I intend to prevent a nuclear holocaust . . . in a few months
Yochonon Donn: In liberal New York City, fervently-Orthodox Jews may soon be getting a district to call their own
Jeannine Stein: An inflated ego and thinking you're 'all that' doesn't just make others sick of you, it can make you ill
Katy Hopkins: New budget rules may affect how much money you get for college
January 26, 2012
Ed Koch: To the New York Times, calling for the murder of Jews by those capable of having their incitement taken seriously isn't news
Jeannine Stein: Mental illness struck one in five U.S. adults in 2010: Report
January 25, 2012
Richard Simon: House passes two bills endorsing the use of religious symbols at military memorials
Fred Weir: Putin: Multiethnic Russia cannot survive as a US-style 'melting pot'; must find its own way
Susan Johnston: 5 Sneaky Coupon Strategies Consumers Should Watch Out For
January 24, 2012
Carol Clark: The price of your soul: How your brain decides whether to 'sell out'
Caroline B. Glick: America lost most in 'Arab Spring'. Sadly, many voters still don't grasp the extent
Warren Richey: Drug criminal scores win in GPS ruling from conservative-leaning high court
Erika Bolstad: Black conservatives gather to talk about gaining strength
January 23, 2012
Melissa Dribben: Jewish voters to play a key role in Florida's Republican primary
Jordan Rau: In quest to grow, Catholic hospital system will announce this morning its break from church
Ali Safi: U.S. envoy gives Taliban terms for peace talks
January 19, 2012
January 18, 2012
January 17, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney Jr.: No-kidding red lines: U.S. response to an Iranian nuke may be bluster, but Israel's won't be
David G. Savage: They sued their principals after slandering them online --- now the cases are headed to the Supreme Court
David Francis: Where to Invest in 2012: With stocks expected to rebound, opportunity abounds for investors
January 13, 2012
Ben Lynfield: Israeli lawmakers move to annex Jewish Judea, one museum at a time
Alexia Elejalde-Ruiz: Thriving through touch: Gentle massage helps older people with low mobility improve in mind and body
January 12, 2012
Warren Richey: Landmark Supreme Court ruling a 'resounding win' for religious groups
Warren Richey: Supreme Court says no to new rule on eyewitness testimony
John Fauber : Statins found to raise diabetes risk in postmenopausal women
Katy Hopkins : Consider This Before You Pay for an Online Degree
The Kosher Gourmet by Joseph Erdos: This mushroom and barley soup has an intense -- almost nutty -- flavor that mixes robust with Middle East. It has creaminess without cream
January 11, 2012
Shari Roan: Millions of atrial fibrillation sufferers at risk for devastating, but preventable, stroke
Tom Hussain: Pakistan -- recipient of more than $21 billion in civilian and military aid -- speeds pursuit of Iranian pipeline, defying US
David G. Savage: High court signals it won't be loosening TV's 'indecency' rules
Stephen Ceasar: Oklahoma's Islamic law amendment can't go into effect, court rules
January 10, 2012
Reza Kahlili: From an ex-CIA spy: US must exploit new split in Iran's Revolutionary Guard
Karen Kaplan: Study: Nicotine replacement products ineffective when used in real-life situations
January 9, 2012
Michael Doyle: Put through legal hell over dream home, couple fought back hard --- all the way to Supreme Court
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Jewish World Review
One man's quest for a bestseller, and a gopher
By
Chris Erskine
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
In my new novel, "Eat Pray Belch," I tell the story of a man who runs off to the foothills of Los Angeles in a journey of personal discovery and redemption. This book is sure to be a life-changing experience, particularly for men who believe in the spiritual powers of eating, praying and belching.
Popular Mechanics has just acquired the movie rights, and Julia Roberts is set to star in the big-screen adaptation. She will play the man's wife, Posh, a put-upon beauty who has seen her fortunes decline since meeting the protagonist in a Fort Lauderdale beer bar some 30 years before.
Stop with the tears already. It gets much worse.
Together, the two main characters have four feral children, some of them intentionally. They also have a learning-impaired beagle that will probably be forced to live with them for life, as will the children, who don't like it at home but find the rent impossible to beat.
The older daughter explains this best when she looks bravely into the sandstorm of what has become their life and says: "The trick is not minding."
In the course of the book, the man goes through several phases of self-discovery. In the beginning, he is searching for answers about love and relationships. Soon, he has given up on both and has begun pouring his passion into catching the gopher that is strafing his beloved frontyard. By Chapter 2, the gopher has consumed the galvanized iron sprinkler system and parts of the driveway.
"It's a really bad year for gophers," the character explains.
More than anything, "Eat Pray Belch" is about never giving up, so by Chapter 3 the main character has rallied. He is a man of enormous spirit — one of those guys whom other people invariably quit listening to in the middle of a conversation, but he plows ahead anyway — you know the type.
By Chapter 4, he has bought some gopher traps at the local hardware emporium, a humongous place in which he is constantly getting lost and being forced to spend the night. By morning, he finds his way to the cash register and sets off on a quixotic quest for gopher.
The gopher — played in the movie version by Javier Bardem — isn't merely a gopher. As with Moby Dick, he becomes a metaphor for all the things men need in life: adventure, passion, death. The man spends many hours trying to think like his prey, burrowing down into the tunnels themselves, which is where you have to set gopher traps for them to be even remotely successful.
"Call me Ishmael!" he proclaims.
"Why?" asks his young son.
"Because I love to travel," the man says.
In Chapter 5, almost by accident, the man catches a gopher and proudly straps him to the front of the minivan, like a nine-point buck.
Of course, some of the neighbors recoil at this act of hubris, until the main character invites them over for margaritas and explains about the two months of agony and heartbreak that went into capturing his very first gopher.
The message: "If we're not smarter than gophers now, we're certainly gaining on them and may one day be equally as smart as gophers."
The gopher experience changes the family, leaving them with several existentialist questions: Why are we here? What does life mean? And why does the vodka always run out well before the tonic?
Such moments are revealing of all of us, not just the characters in the book. We see ourselves in their struggles and their victories. As with all great novels, there is something timeless about their desperation. And where there is understanding, there is also anger.
For instance, in Chapter 7, the man and his family try to give the 300-pound beagle a much-needed bath. Two people nearly drown when they become entangled in an overabundance of bathtub toys. If you have ever seen a bathtub used by a 7-year-old boy, you know how dangerous such toys can be. You step on one and nearly lose a leg.
&*$!
By the time the dog is done, the entire bathroom needs to be reglazed and recaulked, affirmation that — even in the worst of times — there is always more room on the Visa bill.
So, as you can see, "Eat Pray Belch" is full of romance, conflict and raw misery, all the ingredients of great literature. Among the many themes it explores: Is there anything more excruciating than a little boy playing the harmonica?
Read it with someone you love.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
Comment by clicking here.
Previously:
If we could only get them to use their ego for good
Begone, books!
Fast Times: The Sequel
Sinatra would have called a plumber
Seedlings and saplings
A real bear amid the Cubs
In the first grade, life bubbles over
Take my one-liners, please
Just point the way and we'll march
An enchanted diorama in the 'burbs
America's next top Mama
Fires and gas leaks aside, we're just swell
Woozy on the lido deck of life
He's tickled to visit the doctor
A treat that could eat you
Making sense of March Madness
Save the queen, from Biden's motorcade
His daughter's becoming an adult, but is that a good thing?
Thin mints and fungo bats
You must be this tall to enter the ark
© 2010, Los Angeles Times Distributed by McClatchy-Tribune Information Services
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