Jewish World Review August 5, 2009 / 15 Menachem-Av 5769
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
House Democrats faced near-riots at town hall meetings in their home districts Monday. Their constituents were venting their rage against the health care reform bill. Kaiser could have warned the government that being an HMO makes people hate you.
The Cash for Clunkers program was voted another two billion from Congress on Friday but many auto dealers decided to stop participating. You can't fool these guys. They ran a Carfax report on the Cash for Clunkers program and found out it's a total wreck.
Hugh Hefner sold the Holmby Hills home next door to the Playboy Mansion Sunday for eighteen million. Both backyards border the thirteenth hole at the Los Angeles Country Club. It never cost a golfer two strokes because nothing's out of bounds there.
Ryan O'Neal told Vanity Fair Monday he didn't recognize his own daughter Tatum at Farrah's funeral and hit on her. He actually tried to pick her up. It turns out the reason he banned his son Griffin from the funeral is because he doesn't go for men.
The Postal Service asked Congress Monday for permission to close a thousand post offices and cut Saturday delivery. The more demand goes down, the more they raise their prices. No one can be appointed Postmaster General without a business degree from Clown College in Sarasota.
The Original Watergate Interviews with David Frost and Richard Nixon runs this week on PBS during pledge week. Democrats are in trouble. PBS is the most liberal TV network of all and even they are using celebrity Republicans for their fundraisers.
The White House was reported Monday to be considering moving the terrorist detainees from Guantanamo to Leavenworth prison. The terrain works for the guards. In Kansas you can stand on the front porch and watch your dog running away for a long, long time.
Mexico was rocked by a seven-point earthquake in Baja California on Monday. It centered on the east coast of Baja. The temblor and its aftershocks swelled tides and swayed buildings and made everybody homesick for their old jobs up in Los Angeles.
Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner caused an uproar on Sunday when he hinted that middle class tax hikes may be necessary to pay for health care reform. The roof fell in. So many people are angry at President Obama that the White House is tearing out the vegetable garden and putting in a beer garden just to accommodate all the apology summits.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton