Jewish World Review August 4, 2009 / 14 Menachem-Av 5769
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The Cash for Clunkers program was voted added funding by Congress Friday. They understand the importance of gas mileage. Congressmen have to drive their own cars because cab drivers refuse to pick up people who are statistically likely to rob them.
Las Vegas police captured a tiger from a Las Vegas magic show that escaped its owner's house Friday. The neighbors don't mind the big cat living there. It's the one neighborhood west of the Mississippi where the joggers aren't bothered by coyotes.
President Obama held a weekend cabinet retreat at Blair House in Washington D.C. last weekend. They need to do better. There are twelve members of the cabinet and none of them have been answering the buzzer fast enough when their czars call for them.
President Obama spoke at George Mason University in Virginia Monday. It's named after the Founding Father who said the U.S. Constitution would lead to dictatorship someday. He had the same problem they have on Wall Street, you can be right too early.
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said Friday that the private health insurance industry is evil. She said the glory days of the health insurance industry are over. Nancy Pelosi could go down in history as the first woman Speaker to be buried in the Kremlin.
The Original Watergate Interviews air tonight starring David Frost and Richard Nixon. They first aired thirty-two years ago. The interviews were made into a Tony-winning Broadway play and an Oscar-nominated movie, making the Nixon presidency the third most decorated comedy in history, after Young Frankenstein and Springtime for Hitler.
Professor Henry Louis Gates sent flowers to the woman next door who called the cops on him thinking he was breaking into his house. She's had the media camped out on her lawn for a week and she's had to hire a lawyer to handle all the interview requests. Now the only people who will call the cops on a crime in progress are Liza Minnelli and authors who need airtime to promote their new books.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton