Jewish World Review August 27, 2008 / 26 Menachem-Av 5768
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The Democratic convention began Monday as a tornado hit the Denver suburbs. It was nuts to schedule an outdoor stadium speech in the Rockies three weeks before the equinox. The Democrats gave up nominating climate experts when Al Gore didn't win.
Democratic Party veterans took the podium Monday looking like ads for terrific facial work. No one looked over forty-five. They were so shot full of collagen you could smear their faces on the doorpost at Passover and your first-born would live.
Michelle Obama spoke to the Democratic convention Monday. She works at a South side Chicago hospital where she specializes in diversity enforcement. She recruits shooting victims from the North side so that her emergency room is racially balanced.
Barack Obama's wife Michelle was introduced to the Denver convention Monday by her mother and brother. Obama gave his in-laws everything they wanted and he gave the Clintons everything they wanted. If his convention bounce is greater than five points in the polls, Poland's going to start handing out Russian textbooks to their schoolchildren.
Bill Clinton was peeved at the Obama campaign because they want him to discuss national security tonight. He wants to defend his economic record as president. Whichever speech they agree on, he will be escorted onstage by the June Taylor Dancers.
The Miss Sister Pageant, an online beauty pageant for nuns, was announced by an Italian priest Monday. It's due to pressure from the Vatican legal department. Priests have to go to extraordinary lengths these days to prove that they're straight.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton