Jewish World Review August 7, 2008 / 6 Menachem-Av 5768
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
China was hit by a six-point-two earthquake in the middle of the country on Tuesday. It struck just three days before the games begin. We could have the first Olympic Games in history that hand out medals for standing still and breathing deeply.
The Chicago Cubs hosted a game with the Houston Astros Monday that was delayed by lightning which struck the centerfield flag pole. Thank goodness the players were using wooden bats. If it had been a college game, they would all be dead.
The Green Bay Packers management met with Brett Favre Tuesday. They're in a furious standoff over whether he'll be traded, benched or made the starter. It's been so badly mishandled that people think Condi Rice is already the NFL Commissioner.
The FBI defended its aggressive tactics to find the culprit behind the 2001 anthrax mailings. The attacks changed the way mail is handled. If anyone in Beverly Hills gets white powder in the mail we immediately inject it inside a wrinkle to see if it helps.
Barack Obama urged Americans Tuesday to keep their tires properly inflated to help save on oil. It's a lost skill. Los Angeles service stations will still check breasts for proper inflation but there's nobody there who knows how to check tires.
New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg held a fundraiser to help retire Hillary Clinton's presidential campaign debts Monday. She's giving everyone who donates to her campaign a chance to have dinner with her. No word yet on what the winner gets.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton