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Nov. 6, 2009
Rabbi Berel Wein: Choosing to hear
JWisdom.com Zero to 1/60th: How to Empower An Hour with Gavriel Aryeh Sande (7 minutes)
Caroline B. Glick The mullahs' big week
Suzanne Fields A Fallen Wall for Fallen Man
Nov. 5, 2009
The Kosher Gourmet: Three scrumptious -- but simple -- butternut squash dishes
JWisdom.com Hidden Hints: Unlocking Faith & Prayer with Rabbi Jay Yaacov Schwartz (10 minutes)
Nov. 4, 2009
Tom Hamburger and Kim Geiger: Should prayers be covered?
JWisdom.com When God played peacemaker With Rabbi Sroy Levitansky (5 minutes)
Nov. 3, 2009
Martin Peretz: Beware, Barack. Beware, Rahm. Beware, Axelrod
JWisdom.com Are you are closet idolater? With Sara Yoheved Rigler (10 minutes)
Nov. 2, 2009
Paul Greenberg: The Holocaust is now on Facebook
JWisdom.com Abraham's Strange Change With Rabbi Yitzchok Fingerer (5 minutes)
Oct. 30, 2009
Rabbi David Aaron: Secret to Immortality
Caroline B. Glick Silencing dissent in America
Oct. 29, 2009
Lini S. Kadaba: Do tactics avert flu or reduce humanity?
JWisdom.com We Must Revamp our Religious Vocabulary With Gavriel Aryeh Sanders ( 10 minutes)
Oct. 28, 2009
Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Atheists in Bubbleland
JWisdom.com Why what we wear impacts who we are With Rabbis Mordechai Becher, Menachem Golberger and Aliza Bulow ( 10 minutes)
Oct. 27, 2009
Paul Greenberg: The United Nations Is Outraged Again, Or: Department of Mideast Static
JWisdom.com The Science of Love With Rabbi Jonathan Rietti ( 7 minutes)
Oct. 26, 2009
The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Damaging disclosures with a twist
JWisdom.com Wisdom and Wonks With Rabbi Eytan Feiner ( 7 minutes)
Oct. 23, 2009
Rabbi David Aaron: Are you ready for the ultimate pleasure?
JWisdom.com Watermark and oneness with Rabbi Sroy Levitansky ( 4 minutes)
Caroline B. Glick Stop using limited powers in a way that expands our enemies' advantages over us
Oct. 22, 2009
Steven Emerson: Terror Cases Share Desire to Kill Americans
JWisdom.com No More More Family Fights --- Really? By Sarah Chana Radcliffe ( 5 minutes)
Oct. 21, 2009
Tonya Alanez: Holocaust denier sues survivor, calling Auschwitz memoir 'vicious lies'
JWisdom.com Meditating Jewishly: A Panacea for Success by Sarah Yoheved Rigler ( 7 minutes)
Oct. 20, 2009
Dennis Prager: Obama and Dalai Lama: Why Israel Worries about U.S. President
JWisdom.com Abraham was not religious By Rabbi Yitzchok Fingerer ( 6 minutes)
Oct. 19, 2009
JWisdom.comWhy Good People Do Bad Things By Rabbi Eytan Feiner ( 7 minutes)
Oct. 16, 2009
Rabbi Yonason Goldson: The Perfect Number
JWisdom.com Hearing Voices By Rabbi Sroy Levitansky ( 5 minutes)
Caroline B. Glick How Turkey was lost
Oct. 15, 2009
Jeff Jacoby: Peace vs. the 'peace process'
JWisdom.com: Former MTV producer and stand-up comedian Rabbi Lawrence Hajioff: Taming a Control Freak (A VERY fast 15 minutes)
Oct. 29, 2003
Mortimer B. Zuckerman: Graffiti On History's Walls (MUST-READ!)

Jewish World Review August 25, 2008 / 24 Menachem-Av 5768

The last event

By Mitch Albom


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | BEIJING — They finished the Olympic decathlon last week, opening with the 100 meters, then the long jump, then yada, yada, yada.


I had my own decathlon to run. Before leaving Beijing, there were 10 events I needed in order to complete my experience. I woke up early. I pulled on my USA jersey. And I plunged into ...


1. The Forbidden City 1,500 Meters: I had to see this before I left. The Forbidden City was the private home to many Chinese emperors, who lived there with their families, staff and, as the earpiece voice reminds you, "many concubines." Behind a giant wall, protected by a moat, the Forbidden City is a beautiful collection of palaces, most of which carry names like Palace of Meditation, Palace of Inspiration, Palace of Contemplation. You get the idea the emperors had lots of time on their hands. Also concubines.


Since I have neither, I employ the "Wow, cool, let's keep going" tourist technique. I cover the Forbidden City in 52 minutes, a personal best.


2. The 5K Subway Ride: Having enjoyed cabs to this point (if you call near-death experiences enjoyable), it is time to try the subway. Beijing's is clean and efficient, I am told. All I saw of it was the armpit of a woman and the chest of a man. I don't want to say there is no personal space at rush hour, but I could count other riders' molars, OK? I finish in 4 minutes, 18 seconds, when the doors open and we tumble out like rice from a sack.


3. The Short-track Cycling Event: Next, I take a bicycle into Beijing traffic. As far as survival, I could have jumped from a plane and had better odds. During my nine-minute lap of the neighborhood, I was cut off by two busses, four cabs, eight pedestrians and another cyclist who had — and I'm dead serious here — a ladder on the back of his bike. I finish and proceed to...


4. The 76-pound Wrestling Match: You may recall last week I ventured into Yashow Market, where you are expected to negotiate, and got laughed at when I only reduced the given price by 25 percent. This time I returned with weapons. Two boys, Sam and Nick Ross, aged 12 and 15, who come from New Zealand but live now in China and have that whole teenaged derring-do thing going. Their approach was to hear a price and then say to the salespeople, essentially, "Are you nuts?" And I'm proud to say, we got belts reduced from $14 to $4 and a piece of luggage for about 12 bucks. Not only that, but when we were done, one salesman said to Nick, "You my friend, come back." I'd say we got the gold in that one.


5. The Peking Duck Individual Medley: Everyone says you can't leave Beijing without trying the Peking Duck. At the last minute, a restaurant was arranged and duck was ordered — along with a bunch of other things I pointed to on the picture menu. Always go by the pictures in China, as the translation often reads "riveted codfish and eel cake in fried leek and garlic crab nooshi noodle, pineapple sauce, plus butter."


6. The 10-meter Platform Dive: Figuring to try one actual Olympic event, I went to the Water Cube. I looked up at the 10-meter platform. You know, I have to say, that's really, really high. And this 15-year-old Chinese champion named Chen Ruolin is really good, even if she is too young to be a gymnast, which in China means diapers. So I watched Chen instead. You'd have to say I no-heighted in this event.


7. The 100-meter Starbucks Dash: I made up for it in this event, using my indigenous advantage over the locals in being able to pronounce "Frappuccino."


8. The 25K Walk: I did this trying to find a ride home from the track and field in the rain.


9. The 4 x Store Souvenir Relay. Having waited until the last days, I frantically flipped through T-shirts trying to find anything bigger than a "men's medium," which in China is a tight fit on a Chihuahua. I found two black "Trampoline" shirts. Not my best event.


10. The 26-mile Protest Marathon: OK. Either I got lost, or something, but I couldn't find any of the protests. I just ran around the city aimlessly. Official word from the government is that "paperwork" was not correctly filed by the protesters. Once again, as so often happens at the Olympics, we have a judging controversy.


FINAL SCORE: 2,918 points. Don't be impressed. Once you convert, it's around four bucks. Or one belt.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

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