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Nov, 19, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir : Spread the wealth? Jewish tradition and income equality

Elliot B. Gertel: 'Mad Men': Tackling prejudices or reinforcing them?

Nov, 18, 2008

Dr. Debby Schwarz Hirschhorn: The End of the Age of Reason

Jonathan Tobin: Does Barack + Bibi = Disaster?

Nov, 17, 2008

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: The End of the Age of Reason

Diana West: Gulling Americans into making terror legit?

Nov, 14, 2008

Rabbi A. Henach Leibowitz: The Power of Spiritual Inertia

Caroline B. Glick: The perils ahead

Nov, 13, 2008

Stratfor Intelligence Briefing: How Bush and Obama together could change the Middle East dynamic

The Kosher Gourmet by JeanMarie Brownson: Sweet and savory, crispy and meltingly tender bestilla

Nov, 12, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir : Tyrannical Co-Workers

Michael Doyle: High Court to consider today donated monuments that may have religious messages in public parks

Nov, 11, 2008

Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Will Obama stop government officials considering institutionalizing financial jihad?

Jonathan Tobin: They Will Decide Their Own Fate

Nov, 10, 2008

Rabbi Avi Shafran: $8 billion, modern-day Tower of Babel being built?

Barry Rubin: A letter to the president-elect from a Middle East realist

Nov, 7, 2008

Rabbi Francis Nataf: Of Children and Immortality

Caroline B. Glick: Livni's Obama strategy

Nov, 6, 2008

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: How I tricked a classroom of apathetic students into grasping the fallacy of moral relativism

The Kosher Gourmet By Gina Kim: Tips for making the perfect soup --- includes recipes

Nov, 5, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist By Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Destitute Debtors

Bruce Weinstein: 'Religulos': Bad title,even worse movie

Nov, 4, 2008

Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Treasury Dept. submits to Shariah law

Frida Ghitis: A surprise for Obama in the Middle East

Nov, 3, 2008

Jonathan Rosenblum: Who says Jews are Smart?

Jonathan Tobin: Was He Wrong About Everything?

Oct. 31, 2008

Rabbi A. Henach Leibowitz: Our Immutable Noble Essence

Caroline B. Glick: Running against Bush

Oct. 30, 2008

Jonathan Rosenblum: The End of the Special Relationship?

Steve Lipman: 'Kid Kosher' Gets A Title Shot

Oct. 29, 2008

Binyamin L. Jolkovsky: GET US THE TAPE THE L.A. TIMES REFUSES TO RELEASE, AND WE'LL GIVE YOU CASH!

Dr. Ari Korenblit: Making The Write Choice for President

Oct. 28, 2008

Mona Charen: Denial runs through American Jewry

Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Sell-off to capitalism or sell-out to Islam?

Oct. 27, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Are tax deductions for charitable donations moral?

Jonathan Mark: The Mystery Of The Arab-American Vote

Oct. 24, 2008

'Why aren't all religious people vegetarians?': Response by Miriam Kosman

Caroline B. Glick: Testing Obama's mettle

Oct. 23, 2008

Daniel Pipes: Obama Would Fail Security Clearance

The Kosher Gourmet by Linda Gassenheimer: A fast chicken dish with an Asian accent

Oct. 20, 2008

Gary Rosenblatt: Still One Torah

Jonathan Tobin: Government 'Gifts' Are Not Free

Oct. 17, 2008

Jonathan Rosenblum: Sukkos and the Great Meltdown

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of law

Oct. 16, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Copying DVDs: RIP OR RIPOFF?

Cal Thomas: Blaming the Jews (again)

March 22, 2007

J-Rhythms with Avraham Rosenblum: JWR's cutting-edge music program showcasing performers -- singers, song writers, musicians, and bands -- who learn and live the Torah lifestyle (OUR NEWEST IGODCAST !)

Oct. 29, 2003
Mortimer B. Zuckerman: Graffiti On History's Walls (MUST-READ!)

Jewish World Review August 15, 2007 / 1 Elul, 5765

To raise a man

By Andrea Simantov


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | A lot has been written in recent years about male/female ways of thinking, i.e., right/left brain stuff. Most of these pieces use a lot of numbers, abbreviations for scientific terms I don't understand, and are adorned with pictures of latex-swathed lab workers holding test tubes. For me, these are scary articles, and I quickly turn the page, searching for laundry-soap coupons. Considering that I'm a very smart woman, I can play dumb-in-a-flash and not look back. No apologies, no guilt.


I was born female and hope to remain that way until I draw my last breath. Not because I claim any moral or spiritual superiority. I just like things to stay the way they are and try avoid dramatic change if possible.


I'll just keep doing that girl-thing if you don't mind. Being Torah observant as well, I thank G-d every day for creating me according to His will and consistently refuse to be drawn into anti-religious debates born from lack-of-knowledge that claim that G-d is, clearly, anti-woman.


She isn't.


Point being: Women are more emotional. We don't necessarily need "solutions" as much as we need "contact" and intercommunication. Not only isn't it a "liability"; it's good stuff. Makes us different, which, methinks, is excellent. I like analysis and hashing out dilemmas with my gal-pals and co-workers who, in time, leave me smarter and better informed. The men I know have little patience for this kind of introspection and over-examination and will rarely entertain this pressing need in me and others of my gender unless there is even a slight possibility for romantic entanglement later on.


Which is why I was so moved when my very Israeli, very macho, counselor son came home to tell me about a little boy who cried in camp because the beach sand was scalding hot beneath his feet.


Why I was so moved when my very Israeli, very macho, counselor son came home to tell me about a little boy who cried in camp because the beach sand was scalding hot beneath his feet
It seemed that his bunkmates had walked ahead too quickly for the little boy and he lagged behind. Seeing him screaming in pain and fear with nowhere to turn and even more frightened at having seemingly been abandoned, Ariel dropped his bags and ran back to where the terrified youngster stood. He scooped him into his arms and ran toward the sea in order to dunk the child's feet. In telling me this story, Ariel was crying.


"He was so scared, Mom. He was screaming and all I could think of was how to make it better and stop the panic. The crazy thing was, I knew exactly how he felt."


Lest one thinks that my sons are New Age Sensitive types, be reassured. They have little patience for my personal need "to emote."


"Gosh, Mom, you've said that a hundred times. No one cares about your friend's sick poodle." Or, "Why are you telling us this, Mom? Don't you have a girl friend or something?" These exchanges usually take place at the Shabbes (Sabbath) table from where I won't run and must, instead, blink back tears of embarrassment coupled with self-righteous rage. This is a scene that repeats itself week after week.


My boy-children are selective about which life issues deserve compassion. For example, when I recently decided to put our house up for sale and mused aloud about how "Change is good" and "Let's not be so quick to take the first offer" (what offer???), they both varfed themselves and shouted, "Are we going to talk about this all the time? Can't we talk about anything else???" Naturally, I did the gasp-and-blink-back-tears thing but to no avail.


When I came home from a stunning 25th anniversary party down the road, however, and described how I was the ONLY single person there and how uncomfortable I felt while searching for an extra seat at any of the tables, there appeared a teeny, empathetic glint in their eyes. Pouncing upon this opportunity, I described the Guest of Honor's speech that extolled the rewards of marriage, causing everyone in the room to nod in quixotic agreement. I reported to the boys that as difficult as this was for me (despite agreeing with every word he uttered), I held my dignity, and nodded along with others — hoping for a few extra moments of dim light so I could regain composure and not call attention to my aloneness. But this poise was shattered when a well-meaning woman sidled over to me and squeezed my shoulder. It was an understanding squeeze. But it broke me. Broke me in shame. I was crazed and desperate for a few moments of invisibility, and this was wrested from me by someone's well-meaning but ill-timed concern.


Aargh!


In sharing this story with my sons, they grew pensive and, for a brief moment, saw me as less of a Borscht-Belt caricature than a real, flesh-and-blood human being. They exhibited uncharacteristic patience and concurred that it would be good to move from this perfectly fine neighborhood where I've gradually come to feel out of place. They simply agreed that I need a more varied community where I might find more "people like me." I saw in their faces that they felt secure, safe in the belief that if it is good for me, then it will be good for them. That I would never put the Me before the We. Yep, it was a good moment.


And just as quickly, they switched from Dr. Phil mode and back to Fred Mertz. But never mind. For one short-lived moment I held their kindness in the palm of my motherly hand and recognized that inside the hearts of my male offspring lay a quality called rachmanus — "mercy."


It should be pointed out that the word rachmanus comes from the word rechem, or "womb." It can therefore be deduced that, according to holy-tongue, a man who is merciful is a man in touch with his "feminine-self." Because, in truth, only those in possession of a physical womb can truly "own" this quality. And we can further infer that G-d meant for all of us to take the best from one another. That there are things for women to glean from their tender dealings with men. And men who are lovingly connected to women can achieve greater depths from their relationships.


For a woman alone, raising boys to become men is oftentimes daunting. Self-doubts seize me at the most inconvenient times, and I often hurt for them, anguished that I cannot slay their dragons for them instead of feebly standing by while they respectively wrestle with inconveniences such as hormones, social insecurity, and looming military service. I want for my boy-men what I want for myself: Love, laughter, comfort in one's own skin.


I suppose that all He is really asking from us is our personal best, even if it isn't great at a given moment in time. That somewhere in Heaven sits a Roll Book filled with gold-and-silver stars, attesting to expended effort.

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JewishWorldReview.com contributor Andrea Simantov is a Jerusalem-based columnist and single mother of six. Comments by clicking here.


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© 2007, Andrea Simantov. This column first appeared in Orange County Jewish Life