Jewish World Review August 8, 2007 / 24 Menachem-Av, 5767

Where did latest ‘syndrome’ come from?

By Celia Rivenbark

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | OK, where did restless leg syndrome come from?

Back in the day, do you remember Uncle Snookie complaining to Aunt Idgie that he couldn't get to sleep on account of his restless legs? Thought not.

So I'm assuming that restless leg syndrome must be caused by something current, something environmental. Perhaps it's caused by excessive consumption of high-priced bottled water. But no! Because we've just learned, that fancy bottled water mostly comes from CWS (community water source), not some pristine spring in the Alps, retrieved by yodeling blondes dressed like Oktoberfest extras at Busch Gardens.

But I digress.

The point is, we now believe, because the pharmaceutical companies tell us so, that one in 10 adults suffers from RLS, described, rather vividly by the companies as "creepy, crawly."

Yes, well. You have been to the doctor and he has pronounced your legs as "creepy, crawly." How long did someone go to medical school for that one?

In plain English, people with RLS have a compelling urge to move their legs that keeps them from getting to sleep.

I'm sure it's a dreadful feeling. Nobody wants to lie down at the end of a long day and find their legs jumping about like they're conducting their own private "Dancing With the Stars" audition.

Thank heavens for Requip, a drug to alleviate the symptoms. If you watch the commercials or read the ads for Requip, you will learn that the good news is that your legs won't twitch like a hen on a hot griddle anymore; the bad news is that you may become a compulsive gambler.

I am not making this up. Listen to the commercial; read the ads. It's all there.

There's also the pesky warning that it could cause you to fall asleep during driving.

I'm thinking that legs jumping about like downed power lines in a thunderstorm don't sound so bad considering the "cure" could possibly put you to sleep at the wheel, probably while in search of a casino.

I'm used to the "dry mouth, itchy skin, sore throat, baby's fist growing out of the top of your head" kind of disclaimers that accompany drug ads, but this gambling one is new.

Naturally, this will be the new "Twinkie" defense. Look for Michael Vick to claim that Requip made him host all those dogfights to the death on his property. Clearly he would've continued attending Wednesday night prayer meeting instead if he'd just not taken that medicine for his jumpy legs.

Of course you'd have to be mighty gullible to believe that. Then again, we're a nation that just paid billions of dollars for bottled tap water. It's nuts.