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Jonathan Tobin: Defending the Right to a Jewish State

Heather Hale: Compliment your kids without giving them big heads

Megan Shauri: 10 ways you are ruining your own happiness

Carolyn Bigda: 8 Best Dividend Stocks for 2015

Kiplinger's Personal Finance editors: 7 Things You Didn't Know About Paying Off Student Loans

Samantha Olson: The Crucial Mistake 55% Of Parents Are Making At Their Baby's Bedtime

Densie Well, Ph.D., R.D. Open your eyes to yellow vegetables

The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon With its colorful cache of purples and oranges and reds, COLLARD GREEN SLAW is a marvelous mood booster --- not to mention just downright delish
April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review August 20, 2007 / 6 Elul, 5767

Concerned about parent remarrying

By Jan L. Warner & Jan Collins


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Q: After Mom died three years ago after 59 years of marriage to our father, we didn't think he was going to make it emotionally. He kept to himself and was despondent, and we begged him to get out of the house. It took nearly a year for him to start visiting with our families again. We breathed a collective sigh of relief that he was coming out of his shell.


Then, starting early this year, Dad became very secretive and had no time for any of us. He began dressing better and, when he did find time for us, we saw a man nearly 87 who thought he was 40. He finally admitted that he had met a 65-year-old widow and planned to marry her. We expressed our concern about him getting too serious too quickly and warned him that he might get taken advantage of financially and otherwise.


Now he won't talk much to any of us except to say, "Butt out! I am the parent, not you." Although we agree he is the parent, we still have our concerns. How can we slow this process down until he has had the chance to think it through? And if he goes through with it, how can we protect Dad's assets?


Q: Our mother took care of our father, who was diagnosed with dementia four years ago, until she died last year. During her rather short illness, her best friend (who has been divorced four times) moved back into town and spent most of her time at their home helping Mom and Dad. Little did we know that she had her eye on Dad as No. 5. They even held hands at Mom's wake and funeral.


As time went on and she began staying in the house with Dad, my brother and I tried to talk to her about the situation. That went nowhere. We then tried to talk to Dad's doctor, but he had revoked our permissions. We tracked down two of this woman's former husbands, who told us that she was a "money grubber." We are confident that she is trying to whisk Dad away and marry him despite his dementia and physical problems. We don't think he is in his right mind. Is there anything we can do to keep him from marrying her? If he does marry her, can we void the marriage because of his dementia?


A: Your questions are representative of those we receive from readers each month who express concern about the welfare of their widowed parents who "tie the knot" with a second or third spouse.


Generally speaking, if a man and woman are both free to contract marriage and have the legal capacity to enter into that contract, they will be legally married under the law of the state in which they marry. While each state has its own set of laws dealing with the prerequisites to marriage, generally speaking, so long as a man and woman understand the nature of the marriage contract and its effect and are not married to another, their marriage will probably be valid.


If, on the other hand, one of the participants to the contract is taking mind-altering medication or does not have enough capacity to understand the relationship, then there may not be a contract.


The problem in these types of situations is that, generally speaking, at the time of the marriage ceremony, there are few, if any, witnesses who will be able to report with any credibility about the capacity of the participants. This is especially true if the seniors decide to go to another county — or even another state — to get their marriage licenses and have the ceremony there with no friends or relatives present. In this situation, the judge or justice of the peace who marries them would be hard pressed to admit (even if true) that he or she allowed an incapacitated person to get married.


Taking the NextStep: While there is no pat answer for all who are hooked on the horns of this dilemma, we believe that concern about a parent should not always devolve into confrontations. All things being equal, those seniors who have found others to be with for the rest of their lives have that right, and there are ways in which assets can be preserved short of confrontations that strain or breach the relationship with parents.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JAN L. WARNER received his A.B. and J.D. degrees from the University of South Carolina and earned a Master of Legal Letters (L.L.M.) in Taxation from the Emory University School of Law in Atlanta, Georgia. He is a frequent lecturer at legal education and public information programs throughout the United States. His articles have been published in national and state legal publications. Jan Collins began co-authoring Flying SoloŽ in 1989. She has more than 27 years of experience as a journalist, writer, and editor. To comment or ask a question, please click here.

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