Jewish World Review August 21, 2006 / 27 Menachem-Av, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Former U.N. Ambassador Andrew Young resigned as a lobbyist for Wal-Mart Friday. He told a newspaper that black neighborhoods were ripped off for years by Koreans and Jews and Arabs. It's simply amazing what people will say to get invited to Mel Gibson's Oscar party.
The IRS said Friday it will crack down on celebrities who get lavish goody bags at awards shows and never report it as income. The entire town panicked. By nine o'clock the next morning, every Rite-Aid in Los Angeles was out of Timexes.
Snakes on a Plane starring Samuel Jackson opened on Friday. Isn't air travel fun? Americans will stand in long lines, get X-rayed, groped, strapped into a seat and denied water if it will stop the terrorists from destroying our freedoms.
The Little League World Series got underway at Williamsport Friday featuring the world's top teams. There won't be much power hitting this year. Thanks to the new airline regulations, the clear and the cream are all confiscated at the gate.
The Iowa State Fair opened last week in Des Moines and has already attracted ten presidential candidates. By tradition, the candidates have to be photographed eating a pork chop on a stick. It's like they never left the Senate budget hearings.
JonBenet Ramsey's confessed killer was widely disbelieved Friday. He's just obsessed. If they are going to arrest everybody who's obsessed with the JonBenet Ramsey case, they're going to need enough handcuffs for three million cable viewers.
New York Mets star Paul Lo Duca's wife accused him of infidelity Friday. Two teenaged girls each say they are his girlfriend. You could see this coming last year at the Westminster Dog Show when seven women trotted him around Madison Square Garden.
France backed off its pledge to send seventeen hundred troops to Lebanon Thursday and offered to send two hundred. No wonder we keep testing positive in their bicycle races. Everyone looks like they're full of testosterone when they're surrounded by Frenchmen.
Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff asked states on Thursday to accept federal rules requiring tamper-proof drivers licenses. The states won't comply. If college kids can't get fake ID, state universities will be shorted out of that extra three years tuition.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton