Jewish World Review August 18, 2006 / 24 Menachem-Av, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The New York Yankees and local politicians held a groundbreaking ceremony in the Bronx Wednesday for a new Yankee Stadium. It went as expected. Construction was delayed for ten minutes until Alex Rodriguez could hit the ground with a shovel.
Wal-Mart reported its first quarterly loss in ten years Tuesday. The chain store is gigantic. Sixty percent of Americans think Wal-Mart is bad for the country, the other forty percent are afraid that commenting will affect their performance review.
Peru's government warned its people Wednesday not to drink miracle cures sold by medicine men after a man died from drinking a good luck potion. Los Angeles is mystified. In a nation where cocaine is legal, getting lucky should be the least of their challenges.
United Airlines diverted a flight to Boston Wednesday because a claustrophobic woman on board had a panic attack and a tube of hand cream. Police identified the troublemaker easily. She was the only passenger on the plane who wasn't peeling.
Bill Clinton accused the Bush administration Tuesday of trying to politicize the War on Terror. He really brings back memories. It harkens back to a more innocent decade when going over national boundaries was about sex and not geography.
Hezbollah leader Hassan Nasrallah on Monday ordered his men in Lebanon to clear roads and repair infrastructure and rebuild Muslim homes. Now you know why New Orleans is still in rubble. They would rather wait for FEMA than cover up their women.
Hillary Clinton ripped the White House Tuesday for not spending enough money to protect ports and transit systems in New York. She can't understand why Red States need some of the anti-terrorism money. Democrats believe the terrorists are very sophisticated so naturally they think they would never go into a Red State.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton