Jewish World Review August 17, 2006 / 23 Menachem-Av, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The Three Stooges were identified in a national poll Tuesday by more Americans than could name the three branches of government. The comparison is an unfair one. The Three Stooges could poke a man in the eye without triggering an insurgency.
President Bush said Tuesday freedom defeated Hezbollah in Lebanon. However in Israel, politicians pointed fingers and argued over who lost the war. Hopefully freedom will do better when it plays Europe in the Ryder Cup matches next month.
Germany agreed Tuesday to send three thousand troops to Lebanon. Everyone is talking about it. If you think a Rolling Stones concert tour is exciting, just wait until the star of the History Channel makes its first appearance in sixty years.
The United Nations cease-fire in southern Lebanon held for a second full day Tuesday. It's shaky. Last night there were five shootings, three rocket attacks and one major explosion when some idiot tried to boot up a Dell laptop near the border.
Dell Computer had to recall four million laptop batteries Tuesday. They have begun bursting into flames without warning. You knew when the president of Iran announced the day before that he had started his own blog, nothing good would come of it.
Bill Clinton told an AIDS conference Tuesday that men in Third World countries must accept circumcision to help stop the HIV virus. There's a reason he's talking about this. He promised Hillary he would use only really bad pick-up lines until after the election.
New York's Orchestra of St. Luke's had to cancel a tour of Great Britain last weekend due to the new airline carry-on restrictions. You don't dare check fine musical instruments as baggage. They could wind up playing Carousel at Denver International.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton