Jewish World Review August 10, 2006 / 16 Menachem-Av, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The Richard Nixon Library on Tuesday marked the thirty-second anniversary of his resignation. In the final days he drank heavily and blamed the Jews for all his problems. We never knew until today that what he really wanted to do was direct.
Oliver Stone's movie about the World Trade Center attack opened Wednesday to rave reviews. No one can believe he made such a patriotic, respectful movie. He didn't want to spend the rest of his career opening for the Dixie Chicks in Toronto.
The FBI is looking for eleven Egyptian students who disappeared last week on their way to Montana State University. They're now in the country illegally. It's a good thing President Bush is on vacation or he'd be putting them on the pathway to citizenship.
Congresswoman Cynthia McKinney lost her Democratic primary in Georgia Tuesday in a landslide. She denounced Israel and later slugged a cop who detained her. She may have lost her congressional seat but Mel Gibson has found his leading lady.
British Petroleum had to explain Tuesday why it hadn't inspected its leaking pipeline in Alaska for sixteen years. The area is very remote. Every time the oil company would send an inspector up there he would come back married to a sleigh dog.
Paul McCartney hired Prince Charles's divorce lawyer Fiona Shackleton Monday to represent him in his marital break-up. She's one of the best divorce lawyers in the world. The only way you can beat a attorney this good is to die with nothing.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton