Jewish World Review August 7, 2006 / 13 Menachem-Av, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Osama bin Laden's son Saad left Iran Thursday to go and fight in Lebanon. No one knows how many sons Osama has. He's got so many wives and children that NBA coaches hold him up as an example when they lecture rookies on how not to conduct your life.
Senator Joe Lieberman could lose the Democratic primary tomorrow because he agrees too often with President Bush. There is no middle. President Bush could announce it's hot outside and Democrats would say he lied about the weather forecast.
Bill Clinton told Nashville Friday he's happy about the success of Al Gore's global warming movie. He said his presidency was a partnership. Comedians needed to loosen up the crowd with robot jokes before we could hit them with the sex jokes.
Richard Nixon was revealed in documents Friday to have considered using nuclear weapons against North Vietnam. No one was surprised. Richard Nixon was the only U.S. president whose official White House portrait was done by a police sketch artist.
Mel Gibson was charged with drunk driving Thursday after his roadside arrest and bigoted rant in Malibu. He's learned his lesson. The next time he decides to go out drinking he is going to ask Pat Buchanan to be his designated anti-Semite.
The U.S. Senate voted overwhelmingly on Thursday to provide two billion dollars to build a fence on the U.S.-Mexican border. The damage is already done. Of the ninety-three votes in favor of the fence, fifty voted yes while forty-three voted si.
Tour de France winner Floyd Landis blamed dehydration for his failed steroid test Thursday. He's blamed cortisone, alcohol, thyroid medication and metabolism. Still, he will have to blame the Jews if he ever hopes to be welcomed back to France.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
Comment by clicking here.
© 2006, Argus Hamilton