Jewish World Review August 2, 2006 / 8 Menachem-Av, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Hezbollah leader Hassan Nasrallah said Sunday he hopes his teenaged son will someday be a suicide bomber. The perks are great. Each martyr is guaranteed to be greeted in heaven by seventy-two virgins and given Mel Gibson's cell phone number.
Mel Gibson apologized Sunday for his profane anti-Semitic tirade when he was cited for drunk driving Friday. He blamed it on Jose Cuervo. It's a disgrace that somebody who has that much money is relying on the labor of illegal immigrants.
Malibu sheriffs denied Sunday they tried to cover up Mel Gibson's outrageous remarks. He screamed at the cop who pulled him over that the Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world today. That is a slander against the good name of oil.
The Los Angeles Times reported Monday that Mel Gibson may have lost his deal with ABC to produce a mini-series on the Holocaust. The network said it is still waiting to see the script. They didn't care at all for the preview over the weekend.
Tour de France champ Floyd Landis canceled a planned charity auction of his bicycle after flunking his blood test. He shouldn't give up hope. They can still inject the bicycle seat with steroids and sell the whole thing as a Harley-Davidson.
Ohio's illegal immigrants left town Monday after federal authorities cracked down on employers. Nobody's happy about it. The finest restaurant in Columbus won't allow you to order any dessert until everyone has finished clearing the table.
Iran announced Monday they will publicly hang five men accused of bombing an oil city. It's a good sign. If the Bush administration and Iran can find common ground on their most fundamental values, the nuclear agreement cannot be far behind.
NATO troops arrived in southern Afghanistan Monday to replace U.S. troops. The replacements are Germans, Poles, Italians and French troops. You know things have taken a turn for the worse when the Germans marching into Kandahar is the good news.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton