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Jewish World Review August 29, 2006 / 5 Elul, 5766
Video piracy ring drops Tom Cruise films
By Andy Borowitz
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Chinese bootleggers call star's behavior ‘unacceptable’
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
In the latest ominous sign for the film career of actor Tom Cruise, a large video
piracy ring based in Beijing said today that they will no longer sell illegal copies
of the star's films, calling Mr. Cruise's recent behavior "unacceptable."
The head of the illegal operation, Mr. Yung-Ho Zhaoye, said that the decision brings
down the curtain on over two decades of illegally copying and selling Mr. Cruise's
films on the streets of the Far East.
"We have enjoyed a profitable relationship with Mr. Cruise for years by selling
copies of his films, often before those films were even released," Mr. Zhaoye told
reporters in Beijing. "But after witnessing his antics over the past year or so,
even our customers are saying, 'Enough is enough.'"
Mr. Zhaoye added that it was getting "harder and harder" to convince people to sit
in the back of movie theaters and secretly videotape Tom Cruise films.
"I tried on a number of occasions to get people to secretly tape 'Mission Impossible
III,' and after about a half an hour they couldn't take it anymore," Mr. Zhaoye
said. "Tom Cruise is making it impossible for me to conduct my business."
But in Washington, Dan Glickman, head of the Motion Picture Association of America,
said that the solution to his industry's nagging piracy problem may have finally
been found: "Instead of the FBI warning at the beginning of DVDs, we need to put a
warning that says, 'This film features Tom Cruise.'"
Elsewhere, NASA cancelled the launch of the space shuttle Atlantis after two of the
astronauts attempted to carry liquids on board.