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Jewish World Review August 29, 2006 / 5 Elul, 5766 Video piracy ring drops Tom Cruise films By Andy Borowitz Chinese bootleggers call star's behavior ‘unacceptable’ http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | In the latest ominous sign for the film career of actor Tom Cruise, a large video piracy ring based in Beijing said today that they will no longer sell illegal copies of the star's films, calling Mr. Cruise's recent behavior "unacceptable." The head of the illegal operation, Mr. Yung-Ho Zhaoye, said that the decision brings down the curtain on over two decades of illegally copying and selling Mr. Cruise's films on the streets of the Far East. "We have enjoyed a profitable relationship with Mr. Cruise for years by selling copies of his films, often before those films were even released," Mr. Zhaoye told reporters in Beijing. "But after witnessing his antics over the past year or so, even our customers are saying, 'Enough is enough.'" Mr. Zhaoye added that it was getting "harder and harder" to convince people to sit in the back of movie theaters and secretly videotape Tom Cruise films. "I tried on a number of occasions to get people to secretly tape 'Mission Impossible III,' and after about a half an hour they couldn't take it anymore," Mr. Zhaoye said. "Tom Cruise is making it impossible for me to conduct my business." But in Washington, Dan Glickman, head of the Motion Picture Association of America, said that the solution to his industry's nagging piracy problem may have finally been found: "Instead of the FBI warning at the beginning of DVDs, we need to put a warning that says, 'This film features Tom Cruise.'" Elsewhere, NASA cancelled the launch of the space shuttle Atlantis after two of the astronauts attempted to carry liquids on board. Andy's Archives Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here. BOROWITZ'S LATEST "The Borowitz Report: The Big Book of Shockers"   This book has page after page of "news stories" too hot, too controversial, too   —   yes, shocking   —   for the mainstream press to handle. Sales help fund JWR. Comment by clicking here. JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, the first-ever recipient of the National Press Club's Award for Humor, is a former president of the Harvard Lampoon,and a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville. © 2006, Andy Borowitz

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