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Jewish World Review
August 15, 2006
/ 21 Menachem-Av, 5766
U.N. To Send Peacekeepers; Hezbollah To Send Warkeepers
By
Andy Borowitz
‘Roadmap to Chaos’ still intact, says Hezbollah leader
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Just hours after the United Nations pledged to send peacekeepers to Lebanon, the
terror group Hezbollah pledged to send warkeepers to the same war-torn nation.
At a press conference in Tehran, Hezbollah leader Sheik Hassan Nasrallah said that
warkeepers were needed because the U.N.-imposed ceasefire threatened to put an end
to the fighting in Lebanon, adding, "And if that happens, we're out of business."
Mr. Nasrallah said that, contrary to news reports showing Lebanon embroiled in
conflict, "The war there is actually very fragile and peace could break out at any
moment."
He called upon other nations, such as Iran and Syria, to join Hezbollah in an
international warkeeping effort.
"Hezbollah is committed to the warkeeping effort, but we cannot go it alone," he
said. "What is needed is an international force of warkeepers who are committed to
blowing lots of things up."
Mr. Nasrallah said that nations in the region should stop focusing on the peace
process and should concentrate on the war process instead.
However, he was dismissive of critics who claimed that his vaunted "roadmap to
chaos" was now in tatters as a result of the U.N.'s ceasefire.
"The roadmap to chaos is completely intact," he said. "I will not rest until we
have a permanent, lasting war in the region."
Asked to respond to Mr. Nasrallah's comments, Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert
said, "Well, his honesty is refreshing, I guess."
Elsewhere, terrorists abandoned plans to attack the Ted Williams Tunnel in Boston,
arguing that it was falling down on its own.
Andy's Archives
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Comment by clicking here.
JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, the first-ever recipient of the National Press Club's Award for Humor, is a former president of the Harvard Lampoon,and a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville.
© 2006, Andy Borowitz
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