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February 13, 2012
Binyamin Rose: Back to the Bunker: How a life-risking act by a Christian family during the Holocaust saved a family and built a thriving community a world away
Menachem Wecker: Business Schools Teach Real Estate Despite Troubled Housing Market
February 10, 2012
Lisa M. Krieger: Man with defibrillator demands access to his own heart's information
David G. Savage: Why activists may not be in a hurry to have High Court rule on alternative marriage
February 9, 2012
Laura McMullen: 10 Least Expensive Public Schools for Out-of-State Students
Kimberly Palmer: How to actually enjoy -- relaxing, financially -- your vacation
February 8, 2012
Warren Richey: Why momentous Prop. 8 ruling might not satisfy gay-rights groups
Menachem Wecker: Though Controversial, LL.M.'s Can Lead to Specialized Legal Jobs
The Kosher Gourmet byDana Velden: Going to the bother of making soup? You know it better be good. This CREAM OF TOMATO SOUP certainly is! And it's a cinch to make, too (Includes techinques and serving secrets)
February 7, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Caught off-guard? President's Super Bowl interview with Matt Lauer gives those who need a reason not to vote for him, a darn good one
Suzanne Bohan: Leaping lizards! Tiny reptiles advancing robot design
February 6, 2012
Jonathan Tobin: Iran Threatens Israel With Destruction, But the New York Times Doesn't Hear It
Jeffrey Fleishman: In newly democratic Egypt, tens of democracy activists jailed, to stand trial; their groups are 'threatening the stability of the homeland'
Julie Deardorff : Researchers say antioxidants may not be that effective and could do more harm than good
Mark Clayton: How did Anonymous hackers eavesdrop on FBI and Scotland Yard?
February 3, 2012
Edmund Sanders : Israeli official says Iran is creating missile that could reach East Coast of US
Victoria Kim: Immigrant-smuggling ring used black drivers to avoid racial profiling
February 2, 2012
Jim Carney: Wrong number call may have saved her life
Reza Kahlili : Ex-CIA spy in Iran's Revolutionary Guard: What Obama doesn't grasp about striking deals with Tehran
Tina Susman: For woodchuck rescuer, every day is Groundhog Day
February 1, 2012
Brian Bennett: US officials see increasing threat of domestic attack from Iran
Emily Brandon: How to Take Advantage of New 401(k) Fee Disclosures
January 31, 2012
January 30, 2012
Paul Richter and Ramin Mostaghim: Misreading Teheran's limits -- deadly and economically devastating as they may be -- is a risk administration, Europe seem willing to take
Suzanne Bohan: Warning: Nap-deprived tots missing more than sleep, study finds
Meg Handley: Banks Revamping Rewards Programs to Woo Customers
January 27, 2012
Caroline B. Glick: Obama: Of course I intend to prevent a nuclear holocaust . . . in a few months
Yochonon Donn: In liberal New York City, fervently-Orthodox Jews may soon be getting a district to call their own
Jeannine Stein: An inflated ego and thinking you're 'all that' doesn't just make others sick of you, it can make you ill
Katy Hopkins: New budget rules may affect how much money you get for college
January 26, 2012
Ed Koch: To the New York Times, calling for the murder of Jews by those capable of having their incitement taken seriously isn't news
Jeannine Stein: Mental illness struck one in five U.S. adults in 2010: Report
January 25, 2012
Richard Simon: House passes two bills endorsing the use of religious symbols at military memorials
Fred Weir: Putin: Multiethnic Russia cannot survive as a US-style 'melting pot'; must find its own way
Susan Johnston: 5 Sneaky Coupon Strategies Consumers Should Watch Out For
January 24, 2012
Carol Clark: The price of your soul: How your brain decides whether to 'sell out'
Caroline B. Glick: America lost most in 'Arab Spring'. Sadly, many voters still don't grasp the extent
Warren Richey: Drug criminal scores win in GPS ruling from conservative-leaning high court
Erika Bolstad: Black conservatives gather to talk about gaining strength
January 23, 2012
Melissa Dribben: Jewish voters to play a key role in Florida's Republican primary
Jordan Rau: In quest to grow, Catholic hospital system will announce this morning its break from church
Ali Safi: U.S. envoy gives Taliban terms for peace talks
January 19, 2012
January 18, 2012
January 17, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney Jr.: No-kidding red lines: U.S. response to an Iranian nuke may be bluster, but Israel's won't be
David G. Savage: They sued their principals after slandering them online --- now the cases are headed to the Supreme Court
David Francis: Where to Invest in 2012: With stocks expected to rebound, opportunity abounds for investors
January 13, 2012
Ben Lynfield: Israeli lawmakers move to annex Jewish Judea, one museum at a time
Alexia Elejalde-Ruiz: Thriving through touch: Gentle massage helps older people with low mobility improve in mind and body
January 12, 2012
Warren Richey: Landmark Supreme Court ruling a 'resounding win' for religious groups
Warren Richey: Supreme Court says no to new rule on eyewitness testimony
John Fauber : Statins found to raise diabetes risk in postmenopausal women
Katy Hopkins : Consider This Before You Pay for an Online Degree
The Kosher Gourmet by Joseph Erdos: This mushroom and barley soup has an intense -- almost nutty -- flavor that mixes robust with Middle East. It has creaminess without cream
January 11, 2012
Shari Roan: Millions of atrial fibrillation sufferers at risk for devastating, but preventable, stroke
Tom Hussain: Pakistan -- recipient of more than $21 billion in civilian and military aid -- speeds pursuit of Iranian pipeline, defying US
David G. Savage: High court signals it won't be loosening TV's 'indecency' rules
Stephen Ceasar: Oklahoma's Islamic law amendment can't go into effect, court rules
January 10, 2012
Reza Kahlili: From an ex-CIA spy: US must exploit new split in Iran's Revolutionary Guard
Karen Kaplan: Study: Nicotine replacement products ineffective when used in real-life situations
January 9, 2012
Michael Doyle: Put through legal hell over dream home, couple fought back hard --- all the way to Supreme Court
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Jewish World Review
August 26, 2005
/ 21 Av, 5765
Million mile drive
By
Gene Weingarten
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
I am test-driving a used car on a suburban Virginia road so choked with chain stores they seem to smoosh together: BurgerLube, Next Day Chicken, TGIFried Depot, Taco Discounters.
The car is an ordinary two-door 1994 Honda Accord EX. Its color is so cheerless and nondescript.
I cannot actually think of an adjective to describe it. Call it bleen a grumpy blue-green. If there were a guy named Gloomy Gus and he were pushing an old stick in the mud while wearing a wet blanket, the blanket would be the color of this car.
In short, I should be bored. But I am not. I am scared terrified of damaging an irreplaceable object. I am moving up through the gears gingerly, with tentative little underpowered girly shifts, worried that this car might at any minute simply liquefy, oozing into the pavement like a scoop of Jell-O plopped onto a hot skillet.
The odometer says 687,179.
Can this possibly be right? No, says Buck, it isn't. Buck Howard, who is sitting beside me, is a salesman from Hendrick Honda in Woodbridge, which recently bought the car from its previous owner and plans to display it. The odometer is all wrong, Buck says, and I should pay it no mind.
Whew.
This is the car's second odometer, Buck explains. The first one pooped out at 394,203 miles, and had to be replaced. In total, this car has been driven 1,081,382 miles.
I take the next corner at the speed of continental drift.
Calling this car "used" is an inexcusable understatement, like calling the Third Reich "rude." Other cars several Mercedeses and at least one Volvo have achieved a million miles, but it is unlikely that any car, anywhere, has ever done it so fast.
I've always been fascinated by really old things that still work. I repair antique clocks. I bought a 120-year-old home. I love my wife. (Just kidding, doll. Hahahaha. Ow.)
The fact is, while others read the car pages to fantasize about owning the new Jaguar XK8, I am squinting through the classifieds to see how cheaply one might obtain a 1986 Tercel that "runs good." To me, age confers both dignity and eccentricity, and I value both.
So I had high hopes for my test drive. I figured it would be a ride through picturesque countryside in a vehicle made all the more charming by quirky habits and ghostly rumbles. Instead I get this blandly competent car, performing perfectly nicely with nary a shimmy or shudder, as we drive past Linens n' Brew.
I figured maybe the colorful story is in the car's maintenance. I asked Craig King, the mechanic from Hendrick Honda who held this thing together, to disclose the secret of its longevity.
Craig spoke for a while and said a lot of technical things, but it seems to boil down to this: To keep a car running forever, you have to keep it running, forever. Constant driving, said Craig, "keeps the contaminants in solution." The million-mile Honda is still on its first muffler. It has averaged 130,000 miles a year.
Who drove this thing the national Slurpee tester for 7-Eleven?
If only the truth were that scintillating.
David Witte, of Timonium, is a self-employed "route mapper." His job is to plot time, cost and distance estimates for road routes to be taken by couriers and delivery persons employed by large corporations. Yes, you can make a living at it. Yes, it means driving all the time.
"I lived in the car," Witte told me. "I ate in the car. I took naps in the car."
Anything quirky or interesting happen during all those miles?
"Not really."
Does he have any special secrets to pass on to the car-buying world?
"Castrol Syntec." This is apparently an engine oil. It's good?
"If you're always driving, it keeps your gaskets supple."
Noted.
Witte hit the million-mile mark last May 7 on Route 340 between Frederick and Charles Town, W.Va. He was alone. The drama was severely dampened because, at the climactic moment, the odometer read 605,798. "Actually," Witte said, "it was sort of anti-climactic."
Is he proud of his accomplishment? He said yes, but there was a moment's hesitation. Witte stressed that he's going to college now to get into a new career: "Driving around in a car all day doesn't gain you a whole lot of respect."
I know what he means. My test-drive was an anticlimax, too. If there is a lesson here, it may be this: In cars as well as life, perfection comes at a cost. Who wants to live forever? If you live forever, you don't fear death. If you don't fear death, you can't love life.
Hey, I'm no philosopher. I'm just a guy who likes old things and hates uniformity. I returned the world's most perfect car to its showroom and headed on home, a little sadder but a little wiser, past Mattress, Pets n' Beyond.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
Gene Weingarten writes the Below the Beltway humor column for The Washington Post. To comment, please click here.
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