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Dec. 4, 2008

Michael Freund: France vs. the Jewish right to reproduce

Frida Ghitis: Heed the security lessons of deadly siege

Dec. 3, 2008

Steven Emerson: Yes, the terrorists are winning

Don Terry: Lifetime, no see

Dec. 2, 2008

Melanie Phillips: The Mumbai atrocity is a wake-up call for a frighteningly unprepared world

Stratfor Geopolitical Intelligence Report: Strategic Motivations for the Mumbai Attack

Dec. 1, 2008

Max Freidlander, as told to Jacklyn C. Wadler: India Inkings

Mark Steyn: Whodunit!?

Nov. 28, 2008

Rabbi Ahron Rapps: An evil seed that didn't have to be

Melanie Phillips: Carpe diem --- or can we all relax now?

Nov. 26, 2008

Michael Feldberg: Meet the Orthodox Jew who laid groundwork for scientific development of ordnance that undergirds America's current world leadership

Andrea Simantov: Shades of life

Nov. 25, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir : Getting Emotional For Influence

The Kosher Gourmet by Ethel G. Hofman : Thanksiving feast!

Nov. 24, 2008

Rabbi S. Binyomin Ginsberg: 'I just Became a grandchild!'

Barry Rubin: Don't flatter your enemies, protect your friends

Nov. 21, 2008

Rabbi A. Henach Leibowitz: Money matters?

Caroline B. Glick: Civilization walks the plank

Nov. 20, 2008

Rabbi Avi Shafran: Bronfman's blindness

The Kosher Gourmet By Linda Gassenheimer: Portobellos add a hearty flavor to pasta with pesto

Nov, 19, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir : Spread the wealth? Jewish tradition and income equality

Elliot B. Gertel: 'Mad Men': Tackling prejudices or reinforcing them?

Nov, 18, 2008

Dr. Debby Schwarz Hirschhorn: The End of the Age of Reason

Jonathan Tobin: Does Barack + Bibi = Disaster?

Nov, 17, 2008

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: The End of the Age of Reason

Diana West: Gulling Americans into making terror legit?

Nov, 14, 2008

Rabbi A. Henach Leibowitz: The Power of Spiritual Inertia

Caroline B. Glick: The perils ahead

Nov, 13, 2008

Stratfor Intelligence Briefing: How Bush and Obama together could change the Middle East dynamic

The Kosher Gourmet by JeanMarie Brownson: Sweet and savory, crispy and meltingly tender bestilla

Nov, 12, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir : Tyrannical Co-Workers

Michael Doyle: High Court to consider today donated monuments that may have religious messages in public parks

Nov, 11, 2008

Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Will Obama stop government officials considering institutionalizing financial jihad?

Jonathan Tobin: They Will Decide Their Own Fate

Nov, 10, 2008

Rabbi Avi Shafran: $8 billion, modern-day Tower of Babel being built?

Barry Rubin: A letter to the president-elect from a Middle East realist

Nov, 7, 2008

Rabbi Francis Nataf: Of Children and Immortality

Caroline B. Glick: Livni's Obama strategy

Nov, 6, 2008

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: How I tricked a classroom of apathetic students into grasping the fallacy of moral relativism

The Kosher Gourmet By Gina Kim: Tips for making the perfect soup --- includes recipes

Nov, 5, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist By Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Destitute Debtors

Bruce Weinstein: 'Religulos': Bad title,even worse movie

Nov, 4, 2008

Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Treasury Dept. submits to Shariah law

Frida Ghitis: A surprise for Obama in the Middle East

March 22, 2007

J-Rhythms with Avraham Rosenblum: JWR's cutting-edge music program showcasing performers -- singers, song writers, musicians, and bands -- who learn and live the Torah lifestyle (OUR NEWEST IGODCAST !)

Oct. 29, 2003
Mortimer B. Zuckerman: Graffiti On History's Walls (MUST-READ!)

Jewish World Review August 19, 2005 / 14 Av, 5765

Bland Justice

By Gene Weingarten


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | When President Bush chose John Roberts as his Supreme Court nominee, you probably had the same stunned reaction I did: What, no one named "Bob Johnson" was available?

When you are looking for easy confirmation, particularly in this era of virulent partisanship and politics-by-spite, you want to find someone who is fully credentialed in terms of unassailable blandness. So why not start with the name? That's the smart move, and no one ever accused this president of not being smart.

Oh, wait.

Well, it is the smart move, anyway. Still, it's sad. Although the very first U.S. Supreme Court justice was "James Wilson," over its long and storied history the court has largely been occupied by people with bodacious names, such as Bushrod Washington, Brockholst Livingston, Noah Swayne, Lucius Quintus Cincinnatus Lamar, Rufus Peckham, Salmon P. Chase, Thurgood Marshall and Felix "Hot Buns" Frankfurter. I think presidents actually used to seek guys with grandiloquent names, because it seemed to give them gravitas. If some 19th-century lawyer had been named Harrumphus P. Grouchbotham, he would have been in robes in no time.

But, times have changed. They've been changing ever since nominee Robert "Bork" was rejected because of his goofy name. What followed was a succession of boring names, usually attached to boring people who would stir no controversy. And now we have John Roberts, who not only is named "John Roberts" but looks like that pipe-smoking, tidy, shiny-faced, smiling American Dad in Depression-era billboards extolling the American Way.

Because of this trend toward generic nominees, surveys have shown, most Americans today do not even know who the justices of the Supreme Court are. This is a shocking abandonment of your civic duties. So I thought, as a savvy Washington journalist, I would help you out with a sophisticated guide to the eight current members of the court.

1) The black guy. He fills the coveted "black seat," having been installed by the first President Bush in one of the presidency's most boffo practical jokes. This is because he is very conservative, and many black people consider this guy about as black, culturally and philosophically, as Laura Bush. The black guy was actually a rarity: a controversial nominee. He has addressed this problem, as a justice, by never opening his mouth.

2) The really old guy. That would be the chief justice, whatsizname. You may recall the fact that he startled the Clinton impeachment trial by arriving in robes that had sergeant's chevrons on the sleeve. All the senators glanced at one another out of the corners of their eyes, but no one said anything. What are you going to say? It would be like the pope suddenly appearing in St. Peter's Square wearing leotards and a codpiece. You just accept it and hope he doesn't start yodeling. Recently, the really old guy issued a statement confirming that he is still alive and plans to remain so for the foreseeable future. Nickname: "Sarge."

3) The scrawny little Jewish lady. She is 3-foot-4 and weighs less than an adolescent Dalmatian. Unlike the black guy, she does speak in court, but is never actually seen. She is the most liberal member of the court, favoring mandatory abortions. I find her kind of hot.

4) The really white guy.

5) The other really white guy, with the bowtie.

6) Someone else whose face I can't recall, but he is definitely white.

7) That other guy. Remember him? Well, he's still there.

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8) The Italian guy. I saved him for last because he is interesting. He is famous for being kind of nasty. There are all sorts of stories about this guy using withering sarcasm, asking insulting questions, whacking lawyers on the head with a tire iron, etc. I like this guy, even though he is so right wing he makes the black guy look like Ho Chi Minh.

As I write this, Democrats were still scrambling to find dirt on "John Roberts," thus far without luck. Near as anyone can tell, he has no enemies, no secrets, no vices, no opinions, no habits, no interests, has exactly 2 1/2 children, does not use the bathroom, etc. Things should go smoothly.

Meanwhile, since the Really Old Guy is really old, I am prepared to predict the next appointment. I did a little research. In Texas, there is a big-shot, salt-of-the-earth corporate lawyer named "John Bland." He was going to be my candidate, only I see he is a rock musician and songwriter, and his wife is an actress. Too much personality there.

I'm going with a guy I found in Fort Pierce, Fla. He's a court administrator. His name is John Vanilla.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.


Gene Weingarten writes the Below the Beltway humor column for The Washington Post. To comment, please click here.


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