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February 13, 2012
Binyamin Rose: Back to the Bunker: How a life-risking act by a Christian family during the Holocaust saved a family and built a thriving community a world away
Menachem Wecker: Business Schools Teach Real Estate Despite Troubled Housing Market
February 10, 2012
Lisa M. Krieger: Man with defibrillator demands access to his own heart's information
David G. Savage: Why activists may not be in a hurry to have High Court rule on alternative marriage
February 9, 2012
Laura McMullen: 10 Least Expensive Public Schools for Out-of-State Students
Kimberly Palmer: How to actually enjoy -- relaxing, financially -- your vacation
February 8, 2012
Warren Richey: Why momentous Prop. 8 ruling might not satisfy gay-rights groups
Menachem Wecker: Though Controversial, LL.M.'s Can Lead to Specialized Legal Jobs
The Kosher Gourmet byDana Velden: Going to the bother of making soup? You know it better be good. This CREAM OF TOMATO SOUP certainly is! And it's a cinch to make, too (Includes techinques and serving secrets)
February 7, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Caught off-guard? President's Super Bowl interview with Matt Lauer gives those who need a reason not to vote for him, a darn good one
Suzanne Bohan: Leaping lizards! Tiny reptiles advancing robot design
February 6, 2012
Jonathan Tobin: Iran Threatens Israel With Destruction, But the New York Times Doesn't Hear It
Jeffrey Fleishman: In newly democratic Egypt, tens of democracy activists jailed, to stand trial; their groups are 'threatening the stability of the homeland'
Julie Deardorff : Researchers say antioxidants may not be that effective and could do more harm than good
Mark Clayton: How did Anonymous hackers eavesdrop on FBI and Scotland Yard?
February 3, 2012
Edmund Sanders : Israeli official says Iran is creating missile that could reach East Coast of US
Victoria Kim: Immigrant-smuggling ring used black drivers to avoid racial profiling
February 2, 2012
Jim Carney: Wrong number call may have saved her life
Reza Kahlili : Ex-CIA spy in Iran's Revolutionary Guard: What Obama doesn't grasp about striking deals with Tehran
Tina Susman: For woodchuck rescuer, every day is Groundhog Day
February 1, 2012
Brian Bennett: US officials see increasing threat of domestic attack from Iran
Emily Brandon: How to Take Advantage of New 401(k) Fee Disclosures
January 31, 2012
January 30, 2012
Paul Richter and Ramin Mostaghim: Misreading Teheran's limits -- deadly and economically devastating as they may be -- is a risk administration, Europe seem willing to take
Suzanne Bohan: Warning: Nap-deprived tots missing more than sleep, study finds
Meg Handley: Banks Revamping Rewards Programs to Woo Customers
January 27, 2012
Caroline B. Glick: Obama: Of course I intend to prevent a nuclear holocaust . . . in a few months
Yochonon Donn: In liberal New York City, fervently-Orthodox Jews may soon be getting a district to call their own
Jeannine Stein: An inflated ego and thinking you're 'all that' doesn't just make others sick of you, it can make you ill
Katy Hopkins: New budget rules may affect how much money you get for college
January 26, 2012
Ed Koch: To the New York Times, calling for the murder of Jews by those capable of having their incitement taken seriously isn't news
Jeannine Stein: Mental illness struck one in five U.S. adults in 2010: Report
January 25, 2012
Richard Simon: House passes two bills endorsing the use of religious symbols at military memorials
Fred Weir: Putin: Multiethnic Russia cannot survive as a US-style 'melting pot'; must find its own way
Susan Johnston: 5 Sneaky Coupon Strategies Consumers Should Watch Out For
January 24, 2012
Carol Clark: The price of your soul: How your brain decides whether to 'sell out'
Caroline B. Glick: America lost most in 'Arab Spring'. Sadly, many voters still don't grasp the extent
Warren Richey: Drug criminal scores win in GPS ruling from conservative-leaning high court
Erika Bolstad: Black conservatives gather to talk about gaining strength
January 23, 2012
Melissa Dribben: Jewish voters to play a key role in Florida's Republican primary
Jordan Rau: In quest to grow, Catholic hospital system will announce this morning its break from church
Ali Safi: U.S. envoy gives Taliban terms for peace talks
January 19, 2012
January 18, 2012
January 17, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney Jr.: No-kidding red lines: U.S. response to an Iranian nuke may be bluster, but Israel's won't be
David G. Savage: They sued their principals after slandering them online --- now the cases are headed to the Supreme Court
David Francis: Where to Invest in 2012: With stocks expected to rebound, opportunity abounds for investors
January 13, 2012
Ben Lynfield: Israeli lawmakers move to annex Jewish Judea, one museum at a time
Alexia Elejalde-Ruiz: Thriving through touch: Gentle massage helps older people with low mobility improve in mind and body
January 12, 2012
Warren Richey: Landmark Supreme Court ruling a 'resounding win' for religious groups
Warren Richey: Supreme Court says no to new rule on eyewitness testimony
John Fauber : Statins found to raise diabetes risk in postmenopausal women
Katy Hopkins : Consider This Before You Pay for an Online Degree
The Kosher Gourmet by Joseph Erdos: This mushroom and barley soup has an intense -- almost nutty -- flavor that mixes robust with Middle East. It has creaminess without cream
January 11, 2012
Shari Roan: Millions of atrial fibrillation sufferers at risk for devastating, but preventable, stroke
Tom Hussain: Pakistan -- recipient of more than $21 billion in civilian and military aid -- speeds pursuit of Iranian pipeline, defying US
David G. Savage: High court signals it won't be loosening TV's 'indecency' rules
Stephen Ceasar: Oklahoma's Islamic law amendment can't go into effect, court rules
January 10, 2012
Reza Kahlili: From an ex-CIA spy: US must exploit new split in Iran's Revolutionary Guard
Karen Kaplan: Study: Nicotine replacement products ineffective when used in real-life situations
January 9, 2012
Michael Doyle: Put through legal hell over dream home, couple fought back hard --- all the way to Supreme Court
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Jewish World Review
August 19, 2005
/ 14 Av, 5765
Bland Justice
By
Gene Weingarten
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
When President Bush chose John Roberts as his Supreme Court nominee, you probably had the same stunned reaction I did: What, no one named "Bob Johnson" was available?
When you are looking for easy confirmation, particularly in this era of virulent partisanship and politics-by-spite, you want to find someone who is fully credentialed in terms of unassailable blandness. So why not start with the name? That's the smart move, and no one ever accused this president of not being smart.
Oh, wait.
Well, it is the smart move, anyway. Still, it's sad. Although the very first U.S. Supreme Court justice was "James Wilson," over its long and storied history the court has largely been occupied by people with bodacious names, such as Bushrod Washington, Brockholst Livingston, Noah Swayne, Lucius Quintus Cincinnatus Lamar, Rufus Peckham, Salmon P. Chase, Thurgood Marshall and Felix "Hot Buns" Frankfurter. I think presidents actually used to seek guys with grandiloquent names, because it seemed to give them gravitas. If some 19th-century lawyer had been named Harrumphus P. Grouchbotham, he would have been in robes in no time.
But, times have changed. They've been changing ever since nominee Robert "Bork" was rejected because of his goofy name. What followed was a succession of boring names, usually attached to boring people who would stir no controversy. And now we have John Roberts, who not only is named "John Roberts" but looks like that pipe-smoking, tidy, shiny-faced, smiling American Dad in Depression-era billboards extolling the American Way.
Because of this trend toward generic nominees, surveys have shown, most Americans today do not even know who the justices of the Supreme Court are. This is a shocking abandonment of your civic duties. So I thought, as a savvy Washington journalist, I would help you out with a sophisticated guide to the eight current members of the court.
1) The black guy. He fills the coveted "black seat," having been installed by the first President Bush in one of the presidency's most boffo practical jokes. This is because he is very conservative, and many black people consider this guy about as black, culturally and philosophically, as Laura Bush. The black guy was actually a rarity: a controversial nominee. He has addressed this problem, as a justice, by never opening his mouth.
2) The really old guy. That would be the chief justice, whatsizname. You may recall the fact that he startled the Clinton impeachment trial by arriving in robes that had sergeant's chevrons on the sleeve. All the senators glanced at one another out of the corners of their eyes, but no one said anything. What are you going to say? It would be like the pope suddenly appearing in St. Peter's Square wearing leotards and a codpiece. You just accept it and hope he doesn't start yodeling. Recently, the really old guy issued a statement confirming that he is still alive and plans to remain so for the foreseeable future. Nickname: "Sarge."
3) The scrawny little Jewish lady. She is 3-foot-4 and weighs less than an adolescent Dalmatian. Unlike the black guy, she does speak in court, but is never actually seen. She is the most liberal member of the court, favoring mandatory abortions. I find her kind of hot.
4) The really white guy.
5) The other really white guy, with the bowtie.
6) Someone else whose face I can't recall, but he is definitely white.
7) That other guy. Remember him? Well, he's still there.
8) The Italian guy. I saved him for last because he is interesting. He is famous for being kind of nasty. There are all sorts of stories about this guy using withering sarcasm, asking insulting questions, whacking lawyers on the head with a tire iron, etc. I like this guy, even though he is so right wing he makes the black guy look like Ho Chi Minh.
As I write this, Democrats were still scrambling to find dirt on "John Roberts," thus far without luck. Near as anyone can tell, he has no enemies, no secrets, no vices, no opinions, no habits, no interests, has exactly 2 1/2 children, does not use the bathroom, etc. Things should go smoothly.
Meanwhile, since the Really Old Guy is really old, I am prepared to predict the next appointment. I did a little research. In Texas, there is a big-shot, salt-of-the-earth corporate lawyer named "John Bland." He was going to be my candidate, only I see he is a rock musician and songwriter, and his wife is an actress. Too much personality there.
I'm going with a guy I found in Fort Pierce, Fla. He's a court administrator. His name is John Vanilla.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
Gene Weingarten writes the Below the Beltway humor column for The Washington Post. To comment, please click here.
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