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April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review August 1, 2005 / 25 Tammuz, 5765

How to Remember People's Names

By Marty Nemko

Nemko
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | I get so embarrassed when I forget someone's name. It's even worse when the person comes over to me and effortlessly tosses off, "Hey, Marty!" and I have to blither, "Hi…" It's worst of all when the person has just told me her name and I've already forgotten it. I swear, I think I'm missing the gene for remembering names.

Here's how I cope with my name amnesia:

If I am overtaken by a fit of bravery, I might say something like, "I'm so embarrassed. I'm absolutely retarded at remembering names. I really like you, yet I'm blanking on your name." Mr. Mystery usually responds positively because people appreciate candor, and my acknowledging my weakness will make the person feel superior—privately, we all like to feel superior. In addition, he'll be flattered that I said I liked him.

If I'm not feeling that brave, I might try to track down someone who might know Ms. Mystery's name.

If I can't do that, I try to start the conversation by asking Mr. Mystery for information that may remind me who the heck he is. For example, "What are you up to these days?" Or when I'm with someone else, I'll introduce that person to Mr. Mystery. Often, that will induce Mr. Mystery to introduce himself.

Perhaps most important, make remembering names a priority. When I hear Ms. Mystery's name, I say to myself, "Okay remember her name. Lisa Michaels, Lisa Michaels, Lisa Michaels."

Unless Mr. Mystery's first name is memorable— for example, Poindexter, Tawana, or Parp Deep— I'm more successful if I try to remember both first and last names: Lisa Michaels is more memorable than Lisa.

To try to lock in Ms. Mystery's name, I pretend I'm seeing her name emblazoned in Magic Marker on her forehead. Then, right away, I start using her name in the conversation. "Good to see you again, Lisa." (I try to think of but, of course, not say her last name.) If her name is difficult to pronounce, I repeat it and ask if I got it right.

That's a double-winner: It gives me a chance to repeat her name and shows I care enough to pronounce it right. In the middle of the conversation, I use her name again, for example, "What's doing at work, Lisa?" And I'll end with something like, "It was good chatting with you, Lisa." But don't overdo it: You'll sound like a salesperson who has attended too many sales trainings.

I really try to pay attention to the conversation. The more I remember about it, the more likely I'll remember the person's name the next time.

If I think Mr. Mystery would benefit from meeting someone at the event, I'll offer to introduce him— that provides another opportunity to use Mr. Mystery's name. And if, during the conversation, someone comes over to me, I'll, of course, introduce Mr. Mystery to that person

If I'm meeting Ms. Mystery for the first time, at the end of the conversation, if I've already forgotten her name, I won't feel too self-conscious saying something like, "I've really enjoyed talking with you. I'm bad with names but really want to remember yours. What is it again?"

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If I'm feeling unusually industrious, I might also try one or more of these techniques:

  • Make up a catchy phrase about Mr. Mystery, for example, Tubby Tommy, Sexy Sally, Muddy Mary, Willie the Wolf."

  • Ask for her business card and, after she leaves, on the back, write her most memorable physical characteristic and something about our conversation.

  • If I later meet someone else, I might mention something about Mr. Mystery, giving me yet another opportunity to use his name.

  • This would be helpful but I'm too lazy to try it: Keep building a list of all the people I should remember with a brief description of their physical appearance and a fact or two about them. Before attending an event, I'd use it as a cheat sheet.

Key to all of the above is caring enough to pay attention. Next time you meet someone, say to yourself, "I'm going to remember his or her damn name so the next time, I won't be terrified and, instead, I'll impress the person."


Advice I'd give my child


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Try not to beat yourself up about having name amnesia. Like everyone, you have strengths, you have weaknesses. But as Dale Carnegie, author of How to Win Friends and Influence People, wrote, "A person's name is the sweetest and most important word." It's worth the effort to remember names.

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400+ of Dr. Nemko's published writings are on www.martynemko.com. Comment by clicking here.

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