Jewish World Review August 29, 2005 / 24 Menachem-Av, 5765
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Wal-Mart said its two biggest selling items in Florida
before Hurricane Katrina arrived were cold beer and Strawberry Pop
Tarts. It had to happen. The federal government put Martha Stewart
away for one year and now people think this is Living.
Bill Clinton went on vacation Thursday to the Hawaiian
island of Kauai where he was spotted by photographers playing golf
with movie star Pierce Brosnan. Bill Clinton has always admired
the James Bond films. He even married Ambition Galore.
Lance Armstrong denied French lab reports Friday which
indicated he doped up for the Tour de France. He didn't need
steroids. Bicycling over the Pyrenees at the age of thirty-seven
is as natural as getting elected governor of California.
. New York Mets legend Dwight Gooden fled police in Tampa
Tuesday after he was stopped for drunk driving. He kept driving
for three days until he ran out of money. You know the economy is
in a sad state when gasoline is more expensive than cocaine.
Florida State won the right to keep its Seminoles name
Tuesday. There's much to be said for tribal symbolism. When gas
prices hit three dollars a gallon in Illinois, an entire tribe of
Winnebagos began a vigil outside President Bush's ranch.
Al Sharpton joined peace protester Cindy Sheehan Sunday at
her makeshift camp near the Crawford ranch. He's a very busy man.
Al Sharpton was just asked by one of the networks to host a new
show this fall called Dancing with the Camera Hogs.
Hillary Clinton returned from a trip with John McCain and
two other senators to northern Alaska looking for signs of global
warming. Their trip got tons of positive media coverage. They wore
tuxedos so people would think they were penguins.
The U.S. Border Patrol admitted Thursday that an illegal
alien threw a rock at their helicopter and hit the blades. The
chopper was forced to make an emergency landing. It was the first
indication that Palestinians are coming across the border from Mexico.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2005, Argus Hamilton