Jewish World Review August 25, 2005 / 20 Menachem-Av, 5765
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez offered to give Venezuelan
oil to America's poor people Tuesday. Gasoline is five cents a
gallon in Venezuela. If the place looks familiar it's because
that's where they shoot all those SUVs Gone Wild videos.
Australian lingerie model Michelle Lee was arrested in Bali
when police found ecstasy pills in her purse. She swears they were
planted. The judge asked for a list of suspects who might drug a
lingerie model and they handed him the phone book.
Wedding Crashers became the biggest R-rated comedy ever
Sunday, passing Pretty Woman at the box office. One is about two
Washington D.C. womanizers and the other is about a Hollywood
hooker. Whenever there's no national threat, people begin to lean
President Bush went fishing with Idaho's governor and their
wives on Tuesday afternoon. They spent two hours trying to catch
small mouth bass but they couldn't catch anything. The Central
Intelligence Agency sent them to the wrong lake.
Homeland Security Chief Michael Chertoff insisted Tuesday
that he ordered a review of border security before the governors
of Arizona and New Mexico declared emergencies. It's all the
federal government's fault. They set up a welfare state with open
borders and they can't understand why people won't stop coming here.
New York announced plans Monday to protect commuters from
terrorist attacks like the one in London. They put up one thousand
new television cameras and aimed them at each subway and commuter
train in New York. Liza Minnelli just fired her limo driver.
The University of Wisconsin was voted the nation's top party
school Sunday by the Princeton Review. That's balderdash. The
University of Oklahoma is the only school in America that observed
two minutes of silence the day Hunter Thompson died.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2005, Argus Hamilton