Jewish World Review August 16, 2005 / 11 Menachem-Av, 5765
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Democrats went on the radio Saturday and hailed FDR on the
seventieth anniversary of the Social Security Act. It won't get
them any new votes. Most young people today think Franklin D.
Roosevelt ended the Great Depression when he invented Prozac.
Lance Armstrong will bicycle ride with President Bush
Sunday. He just ripped the Iraq war and now he's going into the
woods with the president. He wouldn't normally make a mistake like
this but he never sees The Sopranos because he trains in Europe.
The Transportation Safety Administration proposed new
screening rules Friday. They may allow razor blades and scissors
and bows and arrows on commercial flights. The CIA has determined
that barbers with a Robin Hood fetish always take the train.
New Mexico governor Bill Richardson beefed up manpower at
the Mexican border Friday to try to stop illegal immigration. He's
Hispanic himself. It's the ethnic equivalent of President Bush's
parents turning off Masterpiece Theater because enough's enough.
The Bill Clinton Presidential Library was reported Friday to
be operating at profit after its first six months in operation in
Little Rock. No one should be surprised. When you tell a Puritan-
established nation that oral sex is not adultery, people will not
only visit your shrine, they'll leave you tips in the brandy snifter.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2005, Argus Hamilton