Jewish World Review August 10, 2005 / 5 Menachem-Av, 5765
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Wedding Crashers continued its huge box office haul last
week. It's about two guys who sneak into weddings to seduce the
romantically vulnerable bridesmaids. It's based on the true story
about the founding of the Democratic Leadership Council.
Marilyn Monroe, in tapes released Friday, said she loved
Jack Kennedy. He took steroids for his bad back. Now that it's
proven steroids help you hit home runs, become president and
attract gorgeous actresses, even congressmen will be taking them.
New York prosecutor Jeanine Pirro stated Monday she will run
against Hillary Clinton for the U.S. Senate seat next year. Her
husband served time for cheating on his taxes. Under New York
state law, wives of cheating husbands get a Senate seat.
The Dow Jones fell when oil prices hit sixty-four dollars
per barrel. We are a month away from observing Gasover. That's
when an angel stops by the door of each home and takes the first-
born child in exchange for a tank of unleaded regular.
Saddam Hussein's family fired his defense team of fifteen
hundred lawyers on Monday. It's a leap of faith. The night before,
they looked up and saw the space shuttle flying across the sky and
thought it was the second coming of Johnnie Cochran.
Anheuser-Busch on Monday unveiled a new bottled drink called
Tilt. They made a raspberry-flavored malt liquor with caffeine and
ginseng. Market research says college students want a drink that
tastes as good throwing up as it does going down.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2005, Argus Hamilton