Jewish World Review August 2, 2005 / 26 Tamuz, 5765
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The Food and Drug Administration hinted Thursday it will
soon end the ban on silicone gel breast implants. It's about time.
Doctors report no health problems from the gel implants unless you
count liver damage from a lifetime of free drinks.
Disney's California Adventure had its first big accident on
Friday when one roller coaster rear-ended another roller coaster
just like a collision on a Los Angeles freeway. Miraculously, no
one was killed. The people in both cars were terrible shots.
London police Saturday nabbed the masterminds of the subway
bombings. They captured the terrorists with skillful detective
work and videocameras and dogged pursuit. The best part is, no
dictators were overthrown in the making of this movie.
Al-Jazeera reported Saturday that Iraq's constitution
writers will enshrine Islam as the basis for the country's law. It
will be a fundamentalist regime just like its neighbor Iran.
President Bush did turn out to be a uniter rather than a divider.
The Justice Department filed a suit against Boston Friday
for discriminating against Hispanic and Asian voters. They just
told them to vote for their favorite candidate. That's why Pancho
Villa edged Ho Chi Minh as councilman for the East Bay.
Uzbekistan decided on Saturday to evict the U.S. from an air
base the Pentagon uses to patrol Afghanistan. They gave us six
months to get out. Because we keep preaching at them about the
poppy crops they decided to replace us with Rottweilers.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2005, Argus Hamilton