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February 10, 2012
Lisa M. Krieger: Man with defibrillator demands access to his own heart's information
David G. Savage: Why activists may not be in a hurry to have High Court rule on alternative marriage
February 9, 2012
Laura McMullen: 10 Least Expensive Public Schools for Out-of-State Students
Kimberly Palmer: How to actually enjoy -- relaxing, financially -- your vacation
February 8, 2012
Warren Richey: Why momentous Prop. 8 ruling might not satisfy gay-rights groups
Menachem Wecker: Though Controversial, LL.M.'s Can Lead to Specialized Legal Jobs
The Kosher Gourmet byDana Velden: Going to the bother of making soup? You know it better be good. This CREAM OF TOMATO SOUP certainly is! And it's a cinch to make, too (Includes techinques and serving secrets)
February 7, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Caught off-guard? President's Super Bowl interview with Matt Lauer gives those who need a reason not to vote for him, a darn good one
Suzanne Bohan: Leaping lizards! Tiny reptiles advancing robot design
February 6, 2012
Jonathan Tobin: Iran Threatens Israel With Destruction, But the New York Times Doesn't Hear It
Jeffrey Fleishman: In newly democratic Egypt, tens of democracy activists jailed, to stand trial; their groups are 'threatening the stability of the homeland'
Julie Deardorff : Researchers say antioxidants may not be that effective and could do more harm than good
Mark Clayton: How did Anonymous hackers eavesdrop on FBI and Scotland Yard?
February 3, 2012
Edmund Sanders : Israeli official says Iran is creating missile that could reach East Coast of US
Victoria Kim: Immigrant-smuggling ring used black drivers to avoid racial profiling
February 2, 2012
Jim Carney: Wrong number call may have saved her life
Reza Kahlili : Ex-CIA spy in Iran's Revolutionary Guard: What Obama doesn't grasp about striking deals with Tehran
Tina Susman: For woodchuck rescuer, every day is Groundhog Day
February 1, 2012
Brian Bennett: US officials see increasing threat of domestic attack from Iran
Emily Brandon: How to Take Advantage of New 401(k) Fee Disclosures
January 31, 2012
January 30, 2012
Paul Richter and Ramin Mostaghim: Misreading Teheran's limits -- deadly and economically devastating as they may be -- is a risk administration, Europe seem willing to take
Suzanne Bohan: Warning: Nap-deprived tots missing more than sleep, study finds
Meg Handley: Banks Revamping Rewards Programs to Woo Customers
January 27, 2012
Caroline B. Glick: Obama: Of course I intend to prevent a nuclear holocaust . . . in a few months
Yochonon Donn: In liberal New York City, fervently-Orthodox Jews may soon be getting a district to call their own
Jeannine Stein: An inflated ego and thinking you're 'all that' doesn't just make others sick of you, it can make you ill
Katy Hopkins: New budget rules may affect how much money you get for college
January 26, 2012
Ed Koch: To the New York Times, calling for the murder of Jews by those capable of having their incitement taken seriously isn't news
Jeannine Stein: Mental illness struck one in five U.S. adults in 2010: Report
January 25, 2012
Richard Simon: House passes two bills endorsing the use of religious symbols at military memorials
Fred Weir: Putin: Multiethnic Russia cannot survive as a US-style 'melting pot'; must find its own way
Susan Johnston: 5 Sneaky Coupon Strategies Consumers Should Watch Out For
January 24, 2012
Carol Clark: The price of your soul: How your brain decides whether to 'sell out'
Caroline B. Glick: America lost most in 'Arab Spring'. Sadly, many voters still don't grasp the extent
Warren Richey: Drug criminal scores win in GPS ruling from conservative-leaning high court
Erika Bolstad: Black conservatives gather to talk about gaining strength
January 23, 2012
Melissa Dribben: Jewish voters to play a key role in Florida's Republican primary
Jordan Rau: In quest to grow, Catholic hospital system will announce this morning its break from church
Ali Safi: U.S. envoy gives Taliban terms for peace talks
January 19, 2012
January 18, 2012
January 17, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney Jr.: No-kidding red lines: U.S. response to an Iranian nuke may be bluster, but Israel's won't be
David G. Savage: They sued their principals after slandering them online --- now the cases are headed to the Supreme Court
David Francis: Where to Invest in 2012: With stocks expected to rebound, opportunity abounds for investors
January 13, 2012
Ben Lynfield: Israeli lawmakers move to annex Jewish Judea, one museum at a time
Alexia Elejalde-Ruiz: Thriving through touch: Gentle massage helps older people with low mobility improve in mind and body
January 12, 2012
Warren Richey: Landmark Supreme Court ruling a 'resounding win' for religious groups
Warren Richey: Supreme Court says no to new rule on eyewitness testimony
John Fauber : Statins found to raise diabetes risk in postmenopausal women
Katy Hopkins : Consider This Before You Pay for an Online Degree
The Kosher Gourmet by Joseph Erdos: This mushroom and barley soup has an intense -- almost nutty -- flavor that mixes robust with Middle East. It has creaminess without cream
January 11, 2012
Shari Roan: Millions of atrial fibrillation sufferers at risk for devastating, but preventable, stroke
Tom Hussain: Pakistan -- recipient of more than $21 billion in civilian and military aid -- speeds pursuit of Iranian pipeline, defying US
David G. Savage: High court signals it won't be loosening TV's 'indecency' rules
Stephen Ceasar: Oklahoma's Islamic law amendment can't go into effect, court rules
January 10, 2012
Reza Kahlili: From an ex-CIA spy: US must exploit new split in Iran's Revolutionary Guard
Karen Kaplan: Study: Nicotine replacement products ineffective when used in real-life situations
January 9, 2012
Michael Doyle: Put through legal hell over dream home, couple fought back hard --- all the way to Supreme Court
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Jewish World Review
August 23, 2005
/ 18 Av, 5765
And now, some happy news
By
Brad Dickson
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
SLOW NEWS DAY ALERT! There was a story on my local TV news the other night about an Australian man who is teaching mice to surf small waves, first in his bathtub, then, the mice who prove their mettle graduate to the more challenging environs of the ocean.
This follows a rash of animals-acting-like-humans stories in the news including, but not limited to: a cat trained to use a toilet, a dog taught to bark four "words," and, a chimpanzee who's the leading investment banker on Wall Street. (Okay, I made the last one up.)
Of the above examples I find the surfing mice most compelling. (Assuming the mice-on-tiny surfboards doesn't involve the use of Super Glue or a soldering iron.) As an actual man who's attempted to surf on three occasions yielding mixed results (the same way Custer's Last Stand yielded mixed results; I haven't managed to stay upright long enough for my girlfriend's finger to press downward on the camera button, estimated required time: one nanosecond), I'm humbled by these rodents.
As it seems educating mice on the finer points of surfing would be time-consuming apparently this "mentor to the surf mouse" has an understanding family. And despite all those vacations never taken, those graduation ceremonies missed, the anniversaries forgotten, it's all worthwhile when Dad appears on local television for 17 seconds at the tail end of the 11 o'clock newscast. Usually in the prestigious slot right after the story on the Idaho man with two Big Toes on one foot, and just before the infomercial for the tool that grabs hold of weeds and launches 'em into space.
Here's the ironic thing. Instead this summer he was supposed to teach his teenage daughter to drive a stick shift, but instructing vermin to hang ten is at least theoretically possible.
A report on mouse surfing is what's known in the broadcast industry as ending the newscast with some "happy news." The local newscast is the only venue where you're inundated with horrific stories of murder, infidelity, mayhem and robbery (and that's just the gardening report) for the better part of half an hour, then the final sixty seconds is devoted to a silly, goofy story. So after the second most depressing 29 minutes of your entire life (next to that episode of "Joey" you watched) the final minute suddenly turns into a combination America's Funniest Home Videos/Friar's Club Roast/Hee Haw reunion. And the entire news team, including even the obnoxious Weather Guy who's despised by the anchor duo because he was teaching comedy traffic school three months ago with a condom over his head and is now entrusted with millions of lives by predicting hurricanes, go out holding their sides doubled over with laughter. Other examples of happy news to end the newscast:
A moose who tries to mate with a Buick Riviera
A 400-lb ballet dancer
A 60-pound onion
A bank robber who forgot his pants
A couple who marries at Jiffy Lube/McDonald's/The 99 Cent Store
A proctologist who loses his wedding band "on the job."
A moose who tries to mate with a 400-lb ballet dancer
And it's completely unnecessary. In this day and age when, wedged between stories of mayhem and robbery, the actual news contains cherished snippets like Robert Novak cursing, Arnold Schwarzenegger mispronouncing the name of the state he governs, Jane Fonda preparing to travel cross country in a bus fueled by vegetable-oil, the President of the United States repeatedly catapulting off his mountain bike and hurling through air like one of the Flying Wallendas, and, fourteen NASA scientists attempting to screw in a light bulb (unsuccessfully), who really needs to see an amorous moose atop a Buck?
Unless you'd get footage of, say, an enormous whale trying to mate with, say, a Carnival Cruise ship. Then I'd cancel the entire scheduled newscast and just air the footage. Picture that Carnival commercial. "If they could see me now, that old gang of mine" indeed.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR contributor Brad Dickson was a monologue staff writer for The Tonight Show With Jay Leno for 13 years. He's presently developing a network television pilot. Comment by clicking here.
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