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Jewish World Review
August 19, 2005
/ 14 Menachem-Av, 5765
Gas prices keep Runaway Bride from running away again
By
Andy Borowitz
Wilbanks' latest escape plan thwarted at the pump
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
So-called "runaway bride" Jennifer Wilbanks attempted to run away again this week but changed her mind at the last minute when she saw just how high gas prices had risen, a friend of Ms. Wilbanks confirmed today.
The friend, who spoke on condition of anonymity, said that Ms. Wilbanks had been feeling "antsy" of late and was preparing her escape route from Georgia when she pulled into a local gas station and was "shocked" by the prices at the pump.
"When Jennifer ran away the first time back in April, gas prices were about fifty cents cheaper per gallon," the friend said. "When she saw that prices were up near three dollars, she realized that this time around she simply could not afford to run away."
According to the friend, Ms. Wilbanks was "outraged" that the rise in gas prices had prevented her from running away and was preparing to make it a political issue.
"Jennifer believes that if you want to run away from your wedding, high gas prices shouldn't prevent you from doing it," the friend said. "There's something un-American about that."
Ms. WIlbanks considered traveling to Crawford, Texas to demand a meeting with President Bush, but ultimately balked because of the high gas prices.
According to a White House aide, "Jennifer Wilbanks not showing up at Crawford is pretty much the only good news the president has gotten this week."
Elsewhere, the soft drink industry said it would cut back on selling sugary drinks at elementary and middle schools and would instead focus on making people obese at shopping malls.
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JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, the first-ever recipient of the National Press Club's Award for Humor, is a former president of the Harvard Lampoon,and a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville.
© 2005, Andy Borowitz
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