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Jewish World Review July 31, 2003 / 2 Menachem-Av, 5763

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Hillary Clinton led all Democrats in a New Hampshire poll Monday as momentum swung her way. It appears she has a chance to move back into the White House. The question is, will it have a little doggie door so Bill can come and go at night.

Coach Rick Neuhisel threatened to sue the University of Washington on Monday for firing him for gambling. Things are tense. He deposited his last paycheck on Tuesday and was seen asking the ATM machine if it wanted to go double or nothing.

Greece announced in preparation for the Olympics it will increase the number of licensed brothels in Athens. It's not a new idea. The American people often thought of doing this but the Constitution only allows for one House and one Senate.

The Pentagon revealed the contents of Udey Hussein's briefcase, which survived the six-hour firefight in Mosul. It contained a hundred million in cash, condoms, Viagra, clean underwear and a loud tie. Face it, disco is the dog that will not die.

Dick Gephardt addressed the San Francisco Bar Association at the Drake Hotel last week. It was fun watching a congressman giving advice to lawyers. They are the two least-trusted professions in the world that don't have altar boys as assistants.

New Jersey Democrats filed papers Tuesday to draft former U.S. Congressman and current federal prison inmate James Traficant to run for president. Just think of how much money the taxpayers would save in investigations. He is already in jail.

Democratic presidential candidate Joe Lieberman criticized President Bush's Iraq policy Monday. In the next breath, he criticized Democrats who criticized President Bush's Iraq policy. The statement was so incoherent that President Bush called and offered to diagram the sentence for him and show him where he went wrong.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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01/02/03:Annual Review of the Past Year's Mischief
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© 2002, Argus Hamilton