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Jewish World Review July 16,2018 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
• Congress held hearings on any FBI bias in investigating Russian interference in social media in the last election. Think it through. Today, I was reading Democrats and Republicans tearing each other to shreds on Twitter, and it hit me that Russian interference could only be an improvement.
• FBI agent Peter Strzok testified about launching the Trump-Russia probe that fuels the media's and the late-night talk hosts' relentless belief that Russia elected Trump president. I think I've figured it out now. Sixty is the new forty, fifty is the new thirty and Russia is the new Kenya.
• Papa John's Pizza's John Schneider used the N-word while complaining about the NFL player anthem backlash against him. He said Colonel Sanders used to say the N-word all the time. Papa John has had to resign as CEO and Peyton Manning was ordered to tone down the Southern accent.
• Thailand rescue crews were cheered worldwide for getting the soccer team out of that cave. The next day they flew to Brussels and rescued a dozen NATO diplomats from a conference room where they were trapped by Trump. They came within minutes of having to pay their fair share.
• German Chancellor Angela Merkel had a one-on-one meeting with President Trump over his demand they pay more for NATO. You must be very careful when you encourage Germany to increase their military spending. Germans believe as an article of faith that the third time's the charm.
• German TV news aired video of a German infantry on maneuvers during war games, which showed soldiers armed with brooms instead of rifles due to their lack of military spending. They weren't hampered by the brooms. Once again, the Germans swept through France in six weeks.
• The Wall Street Journal reported about the revolution in aviation technology around the world that could revolutionize air travel in speed and in form. An entrepreneur in France has reportedly invented a train than can fly. We've already invented a train that can fly, it's called Amtrak.
• The Thai boys soccer team were rescued from that seaside cave where they'd been trapped for two weeks, then hospitalized for observation. NBC News said the man who first discovered the missing kids was British. Well, no wonder they almost couldn't find them if the cave was that long.
• The Department of Immigration is reported trying to increase U.S. work visas for professionals to work here. The president mentioned doctors from India. They're welcome, as long as they don't turn the life support system off for five minutes, then back on again to get the patient up and working.
• President Trump ripped Germany for their natural gas import deal with Russia at the NATO summit. It turned the media cross-eyed. CNN spends eighteen months comparing Trump to Hitler, then the moment Trump starts ordering Germans what to do, CNN can't believe he'd do such a thing.
• Judge Brett Kavanaugh made the rounds on Capitol Hill Tuesday and met with many Judiciary Committee members. His paper trail is really conservative. The Heritage Foundation endorsed Brett Kavanaugh after he issued a ruling stating the King needs no consent from Parliament to raise taxes.
• President Trump flew to London to meet Queen Elizabeth and hold trade talks with Theresa May. Most of our U.S. traditions are inherited from Britain. Every morning, hundreds of tourists line up outside the White House fence to take pictures of the Changing of the Communications Director.
• President Trump dined with Prime Minister May and British business leaders at the legendary Blenheim Palace. It was built in 1720 it for great General John Churchill, the Duke of Marlborough and ancestor of Winston. The U.S. honors them both by naming cancer sticks after them.
• President Trump flew to Brussels to demand EU countries pay the fiscal pledges they made to NATO. The EU's hesitation is puzzling. Considering all the times that Trump's been called Hitler, you'd think that when he tells Europe they need to spend more money on defense, they'd listen.
• US News and World Report said Baby Boomers are straining Social Security funds due to the huge number of recipients in my generation now drawing checks. Furthermore, we want what we want when we want it. I can't believe it's 1993 and they still haven't discovered a cure for Alzheimer's.
• Theresa May's government began fleeing her Monday over her foot-dragging on Brexit, which she'd opposed anyway. No one may be left to sign a trade deal with Trump. A team of rescuers from Thailand are on their way to Ten Downing Street to help Theresa May get out of a massive hole.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
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© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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