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December 2, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Defending the Right to a Jewish State

Heather Hale: Compliment your kids without giving them big heads

Megan Shauri: 10 ways you are ruining your own happiness

Carolyn Bigda: 8 Best Dividend Stocks for 2015

Kiplinger's Personal Finance editors: 7 Things You Didn't Know About Paying Off Student Loans

Samantha Olson: The Crucial Mistake 55% Of Parents Are Making At Their Baby's Bedtime

Densie Well, Ph.D., R.D. Open your eyes to yellow vegetables

The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon With its colorful cache of purples and oranges and reds, COLLARD GREEN SLAW is a marvelous mood booster --- not to mention just downright delish
April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review

5 ground rules for a better marriage

By Kim Giles




Steps you must take if you want to improve, save or repair your marriage.

This is the recipe to create the close, safe, loving relationship you deserve


JewishWorldReview.com | Question: My marriage is falling apart and it is so painful. There are years of resentment between us and we are basically just living together without intimacy or connection. I can't seem to forgive my husband for his past wrongs and even feel attracted to him. Are we a lost cause? We have some good moments but both of us think about leaving regularly. If it weren't for the kids we wouldn't still be here. We've tried counseling but honestly, it just made things worse. Is there any hope to fix this? Where can we start when it's gotten this bad?

Answer: You can fix this but it is going to take both of you committing to do these five things:

1. Decide what you want and how bad you want it. Do you want a rich, close, loving, safe relationship with this person? Do you want to keep your family together? Do you want it bad enough to do anything you have to do to create it? Are you willing to change yourself? Are you willing to get outside help?

You have to want this marriage to work more than you want to hold onto your current story that casts your spouse as the bad person. You have to want it more than your pride. You have to want it bad enough to work on yourself. If you don't want it bad enough to change yourself, and give your spouse your love, affection and loyalty then you don't really want it and you will never have the amazing, rich, loving, safe relationship you could have.

Keep in mind life is a classroom and the No. 1 lesson you are here to learn is love. This means you are here to learn to forgive and love yourself and other people. Your marriage is providing you with an amazing opportunity to learn these lessons. If you decide to bail on this class without learning the lesson, I promise the universe will just make you retake the class in your next relationship.

I recommend learning it now. Choose to commit to making this marriage work and be ready to change yourself to make it happen — it is the only way.

2. Fix your own your faults and fears. If you want this marriage to work you must stop focusing on your spouse's faults. There are no bad guys and no good guys here. No matter what your spouse has done in the past you still have the same value. You are both struggling, scared, ill-educated, amazing and divine souls who are doing the best you can with what you know. The problem is neither of you knows how to fix your inaccurate fear-based thinking, stop being selfish and be more loving, but you would both like to be that way. You both want to be good people.

The only person you have any power to change is you so you must focus on fixing you. I don't even allow couples to meet with me together for coaching. They must come by themselves and focus on their own fear and faults.

You must also work on your self-esteem. Your spouse is not responsible for making you feel valued and good about yourself. That is your job. You must start seeing yourself accurately and stop letting body image or insecurities prevent you from being loving. If this is a big problem you may need some professional help. You can't have a healthy relationship if you are constantly afraid you aren't good enough.


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3. Forgive your spouse completely. Forgiving your spouse is your No. 1 job as a married person. Forgiving means seeing them accurately as a struggling student in the classroom of life, a work in progress, just like you, and letting go of their entire past every day because you want your entire past to be wiped clean too.

Start every day with a clean slate for both of you. Give your spouse a million chances to do better, grow and learn. You must hold to the idea that we are all good enough all the time. If you do this you will feel wonderful about yourself too. If you choose to crucify your spouse for every mistake, you will give power to the idea that we can be failures and your self-esteem will suffer. You cannot escape this universal principle. Good self-esteem requires a forgiveness mindset toward yourself and others.

Also remember it is not your job to police your spouse's ability to forgive or love you and complain when he or she doesn't do it right. If you are policing their love, you are in the wrong because in that moment you are not being loving either.

4. Make sure your spouse feels admired, appreciated and wanted daily. Admiring your spouse means you think he or she is a wonderful, amazing person and in spite of his or her faults you feel lucky to be married to him or her. Your spouse need to see or hear proof of this every day.

For most women to enjoy intimacy, they must feel completely safe, accepted, loved and seen as nearly perfect and totally wonderful. If a woman feels like her husband is disappointed in her, at any level, it creates fear energy around intimacy making it something to avoid. Make sure your spouse feels safe with you outside the bedroom, all the time.

Everyone has fear around not being good enough. Everyone desperately needs to feel that at least one person — the one who matters most — thinks they are enough. You must do your best to show your partner you think he or she is perfect as he or she is right now, even with his or her imperfections. You cannot repair your partner's self-esteem for him or her, but it is your job to build him or her up every chance you get.

You must make sure your spouse feels appreciated for all he or she does for the family and you must demonstrate with physical affection that he or she is wanted daily. I know that it can be difficult at times to put aside your fatigue, resentment, needs and wants to spend intimate time with your spouse, but you cannot have a good marriage without it. So again, decide what you want.

The more intimate time you spend with your spouse, the more you will feel a deep love for him or her. If you refuse to show love to your spouse in this way you will kill the relationship and its death will be on your shoulders.

Husbands must also make sure the desire for intimacy is based in their admiration, appreciation and love for their amazing wife. It can't be about getting his own needs met. It must be about giving affection to your spouse because you are crazy about her. Intimacy must be about giving to each other so it is about love, not about fear, scarcity and lack.

5. You must choose love over fear in each moment. You are responsible for choosing how you are going to show up in your marriage, every moment of every day, and this is a simple choice because you only have two options fear of being insulted or taken from or love. When you get offended, resentful or bothered by your spouse, you must choose forgiveness, peace, compassion and generosity over defensiveness, conflict, disdain and selfishness. You must stop being afraid of being insulted or taken from and just be loving.

Also, remember a good marriage requires choosing to love each other even in those moments when you don't like each other. That is why forgiveness is the key to getting what you want. The first step is really working on these five things. You can do it.

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Kimberly Giles is the founder and president of claritypointcoaching.com. She is also the author of the new book "CHOOSING CLARITY: The Path to Fearlessness."

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