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April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review

B(L)ISS: A tip parents will love --- trust me!

By John Rosemond

JUMP 4 JOY



JewishWorldReview.com | (MCT) I recently made what I believe is a huge and history-making breakthrough that promises to greatly improve parenting the world over.

For years, I have stood almost alone among America's parenting pundits in defending the legitimacy of "Because I said so," perhaps the most maligned four words in all of human history. I have gone on record as saying that "Because I said so" affirms the authority of the parent, provides an honest answer to a child's demand to know the reason behind the parent's decision, and all but eliminates the possibility of mutually debilitating parent-child argument.

I have pointed out that adults have to accept the BISS principle — when we pay our state and federal taxes, for example — and asserted that it is in the best interest of children therefore that adults make them aware of this reality from an early age. Furthermore, there is no evidence that "Because I said so" damaged the mental health of my generation — the last bunch of American kids to be universally exposed to it; there is no good reason to think, therefore, that it will damage the psyches of today's children (although they do seem a tad more fragile than we were).

No short list of folks have suggested alternatives to BISS, such as "Because I am an adult and you are a child and it is my responsibility to make decisions of this sort on your behalf and you will not understand my actual reason until you are my age and have a child your age, so there's no point in my sharing it with you, and whether you agree or not, you have to obey." Needless to say, the child lost the parent at "responsibility." Given the choice, I would recommend the simpler, shorter form.



Never would I recommend that BISS be said in other than a kind, yet decisive tone of voice. It should not be screeched at a child, but then neither should anything else. But all of this may be moot, because after years of painstaking and highly secret research, I have discovered an alternative that is even shorter and, therefore, sweeter: "Trust me."

Think of it! A child asks (demands to know) "Why?" or "Why not?" and the parent in question simply says "Trust me." That pretty much says it all. Most important, it affirms that the parent knows what is best for the child, whatever the situation. The parent knows (but the child does not) that eating broccoli is better than eating deep fried processed proto-junk, that play should be balanced with household responsibilities, that "my friends all have one!" is not justification for buying a 12-year-old a cell phone, and so on.


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Children do not know what is best for them. They only know what they want. And given the choice between what is best and what they want, they can be relied upon to choose the latter. Furthermore, when parents make the right choice for a child, there are no words under the sun that will cause the child to agree. The child will agree when he or she is an adult and is the parent of children who are demanding what they want. No sooner.

In the meantime, all one can do is ask the child to trust. To which someone might say, "But he won't understand that either!" That's all right. Faith is a long-term investment. the world over.

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We want your comments! Please let us know what you think by clicking here.

John Rosemond is a psychologist, family therapist and nationally known expert on parenting issues


Previously:


Mom, Dad: Talk More and listen less
'Disciplinary math' adds up to parental success
Children need courage, not self-confidence
Respond like mates --- not like parents
Feelings need to be under intellectual control
Parents, stop destroying the American male
Don't confuse fulfilling a child's 'needs'with being an overprotective parent
Parents without borders
Today's parents frustrated with lack of instant gratification
Parenting resolution revolution
Ignore your kids
Success stories of parents setting boundaries
Parenting 101 in session (Conclusion)
Parenting 101 in session, Part I
'Gifted' children, who aren't
Get away from 'psychological thinking'
What do today's children seriously lack that children in the 1950s and before enjoyed in abundance?
'Fixing' Son's Shyness
Mothers who fall short --- by design
To tell a child 'You can be anything you want to be' is irresponsible
Family 'democracy' can turn to tyranny
'Because I said so' signals strong parental leadership
It's time for parents to get their heads out of the '60s





© 2013, The Charlotte Observer (Charlotte, N.C.). Distributed by McClatchy-Tribune Information Services.

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