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April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review July 26, 2013/ 19 Menachem-Av, 5773

Show some appreciation for the new prince

By John Kass

John Kass


JewishWorldReview.com | (MCT) Royal baby haters.

They're out there. They're everywhere.

And with the birth of the beautiful royal baby boy in England the other day to the lovely Kate Middleton and her husband, Prince William, a horde of royal baby haters have been revealed, venting their anti-royalist spleens.

"I don't hate the royal baby," said a fellow of Irish extraction with the middle names Thomas Aquinas Francis Xavier. "Not the baby. The baby's fine. It's the royal part I don't like."

Ah, but you can't pick and choose and make complicated arguments about kings and democracy. You must take a side.

Either you're with the royal baby or you're against him. I'm with him. And if you're not with me, you're against me, and therefore a hater and perhaps even stupid.

That's how we roll in the American media.

The hustler Al Sharpton is against the royal baby. He mocked the child on the official anti-royal baby news network, MSNBC. Sharpton went so far as to offer the little prince a onesie emblazoned with the logo of his television show. Then he held up a blueberry pie.

"We hope he wears this as he's watching us," Sharpton said. "And I have a blueberry pie for his parents."

Why a pie? And why blueberry? Is the House of Windsor particularly fond of blueberries?

A Russian politician also got involved, predicting that the royal baby will grow to amass great power and eventually suck their blood sometime around the year 2050.

That's right, suck their blood.

This wild claim was likely abetted by the British papers mentioning that one of the child's ancestors is Vlad the Impaler, the legendary warrior who was the foundation of the Dracula vampire myth.

To make matters worse, my colleague Old School decided to watch "The Omen" to prepare himself for the blessed royal event. The original one, with Lee Remick and the chubby devil kid. Old School was scared.

"It's all that power and wealth and privilege," he said. "And Megiddo and the city of Jezreel and the priest. I knew what would happen but it scared the heck out of me anyway. Besides, you told me to watch it."


Yes, I did. In preparation for the birth of the royal, I did ask Old School to watch "The Omen." My bad.

Now, I confess, I was something of a royal baby hater myself and I asked this question on Facebook: What's worse? Sushi Mondays or the royal baby?

But I've evolved. My wife, Betty, cured me.

"I'm telling you this," she said, as if issuing a proclamation. "Do not mock that baby. And do not mock Kate Middleton, either."

I won't, honey. I promise.

There's nothing more zealous than a royal baby convert. That's why I'm so livid about those hateful tweets.

"I don't care about the royal baby," tweeted @HughesJack, "such a bunch of overexaggerated crap. Ugh."

"Don't care about the royal baby," tweeted @JamesSisterson, "in fact, I'm going to tweet, expressing my non-care, just in case people thought I did care. Which I don't."

There are others much too vulgar to mention here. Yet in the face of all this sordid evidence, there are those who still insist on pretending there isn't any royal baby hating going on.

Denials of royal baby hating are not only insulting, they feed the animus. And we royal baby story lovers don't like it.

"I'm not some royal baby hater," insisted a guy outside Tribune Tower. "Really, I'm not."

In the passive-aggressive manner of most royal baby haters, he tried to explain it with obscure phrases nobody in America really understands, phrases like "the Republic" and "democracy" and "the Declaration of Independence" and "the Constitution."

"The never-ending news coverage is making me sick," said the guy. "Aren't we past the time of kings? We're Americans, we're about democracy, we don't believe in divine right of kings. And then all the gushing coverage, royal baby this, royal baby that, royal baby, royal baby! And what name will they give the royal baby? It's driving me crazy."

I stared at him and said nothing.

"What?" he said. "What?"

Man, you sound just like some royal baby hater. Stop hating on that little royal baby, dude.

"I just told you! It's more complicated," he said. "You just can't lump me in with the irrational royal baby haters."

Ah, but of course I will lump you in with them. That's the beauty of the media. We have our own magic trick.

It's called the royal baby straw man.

I'll simply take your nuanced arguments about democracy and divine rights and "the Republic" and other smart-aleck stuff like "the Constitution" and lump them right in there with all the stupid, wacky royal baby hater spewings from the Russians and those ugly tweets.

Then guess what happens?

Your nuance disappears and you're pinned like an insect. And if you open your mouth to defend yourself, well, you'll sound just like that other bitter royal baby hater, the Russian Labor Party leader and wacko, Vladimir Zhirinovsky.

"That British monarchy … destroyed our state," Zhirinovsky insisted to the state-run news agency RIA Novosti. "That is why the birth of another British monarch, who will suck our blood somewhere in the mid-21st century, cannot bring us any kind of happiness."

Well, the child has brought happiness to many others, including England, the British tourism industry and Mrs. Kass.

So smile, royal baby. Don't listen to the haters.

Be a good son. Be a good king.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

John Kass is a columnist for the Chicago Tribune. Comments by clicking here.



Previously:



05/29/13 Mr. President, save us from Xbox One
05/23/13 Tornadoes sound like eerie silence --- then evil
05/15/13 How the unassimilated are transformed into terrorists
05/07/13 Lives lost mean 'Benghazi' should be more than a political buzzword
04/30/13 American football industry is on its deathbed
04/25/13 Boston terror can't be packaged neatly for American audiences
04/18/13 In the world of acts, the urge to help overwhelms
03/11/13 Senate battle between a libertarian whippersnapper, crotchety establishment
02/25/13 If only Jesse Jr. would have read his own book
02/11/13 Secret drone strikes simplify Obama Doctrine
01/29/13 Making a pet project out of Neanderthals
01/17/13 Spielberg stops 'Robopocalypse,' perhaps on orders of evil master robot
01/07/13 Reality TV, how deep can it sink?
11/08/12 Thanks, voters, for caring enough to argue
11/05/12 It's Romney by a head
11/01/12 Sandy swoops in to save Obama. Should it be allowed to?
10/18/12 The other side of the emergency room curtain
10/15/12 Droopy Chia candidates get a do-over
10/04/12 :Schoolchildren's stomachs rumble; drama queens grumble
10/01/12 : Chia Obama vs. Chia Romney: May the best greenfro win
09/25/12 : With bitter campaign in full swing, you need to watch some movies
08/02/12 : Toasting culture's absurdities
04/24/12: Why do you have to sell your privacy to win?
10/13/11: Stupid things men say to pregnant women
09/26/11: Desk zero: ‘Contagion’ lurks just outside office bathroom
09/08/11: Light up your lottery tickets, pass the Hopium
08/31/11: It was only a paper moon , but a legendary hoax
05/27/11: For 2012, it's Obama vs. the smoothies
05/05/11: Is it time to de-friend Pakistan?
04/12/11: China stretches the bounds of decency with cow-human-breast milk
03/23/11: No you're not in control; get over it
02/28/11: Chicago wanted a strongman, and it got one
01/26/11: Oh, c'mon, c'mon, Rahm-bo a victim? That's a stretch
12/13/10: WikiLeaks and Assange pretend there are no consequences
12/09/10: Trendy toys don't stand up to playthings of yore
10/11/10: Obama and his pals need some scarce Hopium for the next election
09/14/10: Obama gets a little bossy with tacit endorsement of Emanuel
08/18/10: Dead Meat walking, but heat to be applied again
07/28/10: No verdict, but Blagojevich trial still has its winners, losers
07/26/10: Obama's fall guy in Shirley Sherrod case is Vilsack the Pooh
07/21/10: Loathing of Steinbrenner softens after his death
07/19/10: Summertime, and the race cards are easy
06/28/10: Does Congress have the guts to fix what court gutted? Honestly, no
12/17/09: Belt-tightening presidential aspirant leaves room for Spam
09/27/09: ACORN can teach the GOP a thing or 2
09/03/09: Blago as author gets it wrong yet again 06/22/09: Obama's latest political play should shock no one
06/17/09: Presidential satire takes Hopium break
06/11/09: E-Verify works, so, of course, let's not use it
06/09/09: First Lady Macbeth's the man, so in your face, Eminem
06/02/09: Judge Sotomayor would think me most unwise
05/12/09: Parents, enjoy this time, in all its creepiness
03/18/09: Stem cell policy shift brings a sinking feeling
03/09/09: Name That Blago Book contest names its winner
03/05/09: Contest: Name Blagojevich's book
02/16/09: Dems undercut aid for U.S. workers
01/20/09: Let the carving begin on Tombstone's tomb
01/12/09: Obama serves Reid taste of Chicago Way
01/02/09: Jesters don't pick up the race card in a nationally televised news conference and slam it into the face of every Dem in the Senate, a palm heel strike to the tip of the nose, leaving all of them watery-eyed, their lips stinging
12/24/08: Governor waxes poetic, but Combine rolls on
12/23/08: Got corruption? Get Jesse Junior G-Man
12/18/08: Will ‘feditis’ spread to Obama and Daley?
12/15/08: Man behind curtain is wizard of Rod, Rahm

© 2012, Chicago Tribune. Distributed by McClatchy-Tribune Information Services.

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