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Jewish World Review July 30, 2013 / 23 Menachem-Av, 5773 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
• Facebook shares soared thirty percent Friday, increasing Mark Zuckerberg's wealth by four billion dollars. It was remarkably lucky timing. Anthony Weiner showed people who think they don't want to be on Facebook what people actually do on Facebook.
• San Diego mayor Rob Filner apologized to all the women he's harassed. He said he can't blame it on being from the previous generation. The previous generation had the decency and manners to offer women a line of coke before inappropriately touching them.
• A Los Angeles squirrel was found dead of bubonic plague Friday. Six hundred years ago the bubonic plague killed half the people of Europe, and the labor shortage created a huge economic boom. But remember, if it gets us out of this recession, it's just a plague.
• North Korea hosted a spectacular military parade to mark the sixtieth anniversary of the armistice ending the Korean War. They didn't scare anybody. Afterwards, their dictator Kim Jung Un was promoted to North Korea's highest military rank, five foot two.
• President Obama spoke at Central Missouri College Wednesday. His staffers refused to allow College Republicans or anyone wearing patriotic clothing into the building. Everyone not allowed inside was forced into a boxcar and transported to IRS headquarters.
• The IRS employees' union stated Friday they don't want to switch health coverage to ObamaCare. IRS agents have seen it and they don't want it. ObamaCare limits the number of pints of blood you can have, and vampires won't go any place that's got a two-drink limit.
• The New York Times said Paula Deen asked the cook at her Savannah restaurant to dress like Aunt Jemima. Nobody heard about it. Race is still a hot button issue in America, but it will always be a distant second behind whatever Anthony Weiner's texting this week.
• The White House asked Russia to return fugitive NSA leaker Ed Snowden Friday. He has a new story. Ed now says he was forced to watch and listen to everything Anthony Weiner does in private, and he plans to use the insanity defense if he is deported to the U.S.
• Anthony Weiner admitted Thursday he has exchanged lewd photos and sexual texts with three women since he quit Congress over it. He promised that his past misconduct is now in the rear-view mirror. Anyone interested in the front view is welcome to text him.
• Anthony Weiner's cyber-sex lover Sidney Leathers identified herself on Friday. Miss Leathers said she had a six month long cyber-tryst with Mr. Weiner. By coincidence Leathers and Weiner is the name of the drive-through wedding chapel in West Hollywood.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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