Jewish World Review July 22, 2011 / 20 Tamuz, 5771
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Michelle Obama got Wal-Mart and Walgreen's to agree to open venues that will sell fruits and vegetables to inner-city neighborhoods that don't have grocery stores. That's nice. The next time the Lakers win a championship the fans will be looting things that are good for them.
An ABC News poll out Tuesday said eighty percent of Americans are angry at the federal government. They don't sound happy. Ten percent want to raise taxes, ten percent want to cut spending, and everybody else wants to burn down the country for the insurance money.
The Weather Channel reported triple-digit temperatures Wednesday extending from the Midwest to the Eastern Seaboard. The heat combined with high humidity made life hard to bear. It's so hot in Washington D.C. that Congress voted to have a fan installed in the debt ceiling.
Michael Vick went to Capitol Hill Tuesday to ask Congress for a bill that bans people from attending animal fights. The atmosphere gave him a nasty flashback. Last night people went berserk in the House gallery watching Nancy Pelosi and John Boehner peck each other to death.
President Obama backed a Senate bipartisan budget deal that would both slash spending on entitlement programs and raise tax revenues. It's a compromise between the taxpayers and the people who don't pay taxes. The Capitol Police are investigating it as an armed robbery.
President Obama will go on vacation in two weeks to Martha's Vineyard where the Secret Service is working to ensure his privacy. It's not easy. Right now they're on eBay looking for an audiotape answering machine from the Eighties to keep the tabloids out of his voice mail.
New York Yankee Curtis Granderson bemoaned the lack of black fans at Major League Baseball games Tuesday. He said on an average night he and his teammates count only ten to fifteen black fans in the stands. Ever since the players agreement gave ballplayers a share of all stadium ticket sales, outfielders are getting hit in the head by fly balls while counting the house.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton