Jewish World Review July 21, 2011 / 19 Tamuz, 5771
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Rupert Murdoch was attacked by a man wielding a cream pie as he testified in Parliament Tuesday. The breach prompted security changes. The TSA still allows Muslims to board a plane without a second look but they will pat down anyone who remotely looks like the Three Stooges.
The White House and Congress drew low approval ratings Tuesday for their failure to get a budget deal and address the national debt. A default could ruin the dollar. The good news is that movie stars will no longer have to go abroad to adopt a child from a Third World country.
Betty White was invited to the Marine Corps Ball by a young sergeant named Ray Lewis over YouTube Tuesday. She leaped at the chance to see a younger man. Every morning at the breakfast table her boyfriend hears snap, crackle and pop, but the problem is, he's eating Cream of Wheat.
The USC Trojans suspended running back Marc Tyler for telling celebrity gossip cameras outside a Hollywood nightclub that USC pays its football players. The university has been working overtime to erase its lawless image. As a result the player been suspended without pay.
The Weather Channel reported on record-high heat and humidity in the Midwest this week. They said Minnesota has the same conditions as the Amazon Jungle. Al Gore just announced he's opposed to Minnesota rebuilding the Metrodome because it would damage the rain forest.
President Obama named Rich Cordray to head the new Consumer Protection Agency. It is tasked to pressure banks to make more loans to people with bad credit in the interest of fairness to all. It's part of a new cabinet-level agency called the Department of Future Recession.
Chicago Cubs manager Mike Quade was detained by the TSA for forty minutes during his flight home to Chicago from Phoenix after the All-Star Game. The TSA was immediately suspicious. They're not sure whether an elderly nun in a wheelchair might be concealing explosives, but they know a Chicago Cubs manager has no legitimate reason for being at an All-Star Game.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton