Jewish World Review July 19, 2011 / 17 Tamuz, 5771
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | President Obama trailed a generic Republican by eight points in the Gallup Poll Thursday in the presidential race. A generic candidate would be someone with an unknown name and from no specific place of origin. Every four years we get a president we never heard of before.
Coors had to halt delivery to every bar in Minnesota Friday because the distributor didn't get his license renewed in time before the budget impasse shut down all state services. They can get along without Coors. They don't need a beer can to tell them when it's cold in Minnesota.
Bill Clinton leveled charges of racism against Florida's Republican lawmakers Wednesday after they voted to place conditions on the voting rights of convicted felons. They have to have some kind of rules. It makes no sense if Pee Wee Herman can't vote and Casey Anthony can.
The Arab League backed a plan Thursday for the U.N. to recognize Palestinian statehood in September by circumventing a U.S. veto with a floor vote. That won't be the last word. On the opening episode of The Apprentice this fall, Donald Trump will fire the U.N. and turn it into condos.
Miller Beer paid off the student loans of Christian Lopez who caught Derek Jeter's three thousandth hit and gave it to Derek for free. The young man gave up a ball that was worth half a million dollars. In New York that's about enough money to get your hopes up, but that's all.
German security forces were placed on alert Monday when al-Qaeda threatened to attack Germany. They must be careful not to go overboard. The Germans are the only people in the world who can disrupt an al-Qaeda attack and end up being the defendants in a war crimes trial.
The Italian economy teetered on the verge of collapse last week as the government faced a major debt crisis. The country's in a real pickle. All the Italians who could force the Italian government to pay back the money they borrowed moved to New York one hundred years ago.
John Edwards's money laundering trial was slotted for October. He took donations from an elderly lady and used the money to cover up his mistress and love child. She offered to pay for his four-hundred-dollar haircuts and he just assumed that meant anything that made him look better.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton