Jewish World Review July 6, 2011 / 4 Tamuz, 5771
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Great Britain unveiled a huge statue of Ronald Reagan in front of the U.S. Embassy Monday in London. The plaque reads that Reagan defeated communism without firing a shot. Nothing scared the Soviet Union like a seventy-eight-year-old man who was willing to die for his country.
Dominique Strauss-Kahn's hotel maid rape accuser was revealed Friday to be a hooker who lied on her asylum papers and laundered drug money. The narrative quickly changed from the evil rich to the evil poor. Dominique Strauss-Kahn is now qualified to play lacrosse for Duke.
The White House upped car mileage standards to push Detroit to make more hybrid and electric cars. It's to reduce our dependence on oil. Engineers at Ford Motors just invented a new engine that can run on water, but so far it only runs on water from the Yellowstone River.
Exxon Mobil plugged up a ruptured oil pipe in Montana Saturday but not before it leaked into the Yellowstone River. It's a GOP state. That explains why President Obama reacted to the spill by forcing Exxon Mobil to pay two billion dollars to restaurant owners in New Orleans.
Hillary Clinton joined the fight for Saudi women's rights last week as Saudi women urged the United Nations to pressure King Abdullah for the right to drive. They still live in a very medieval society. Saudi women who press Available on Facebook risk getting their finger cut off.
President Obama begins using Twitter today in a town-hall meeting at the White House. His aides must write all his Tweets for him. By the time Obama is finished blaming Bush and blaming the Republicans he doesn't have enough characters left to blame Wall Street.
Texas officials angered Mexico Monday by advising tourists to avoid Nuevo Laredo due to drug cartel violence. Their cops are incredibly brave. The sheriff of Nuevo Laredo has been shot so many times that when he comes home at night his wife uses him for flower arrangements.
Riverside county official Jeff Stone proposed seceding from California with eight other counties to form South California. It's a movement to escape high taxes and responsibility for illegal aliens that could spread. By the time everybody finishes seceding from California, Illinois and New York, Barack Obama's remark that he's visited all fifty-seven states will have turned out to be psychic.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton