Home
In this issue
April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review

To tell a child ‘You can be anything you want to be’ is irresponsible

By John Rosemond




http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | (MCT) A grandmother recently told me that her son and daughter-in-law have told her only grandchild, an 8-year-old, that he can be anything he wants to be in life. She was incensed.


"What a bunch of baloney!" she exclaimed. "What a completely irresponsible thing to tell a child!"


I agree wholeheartedly. One cannot be whatever one desires to be any more than one can have anything one desires to have. Here, for example, is a short list of the things I could never have been, no matter how hard I tried: professional football player, fastest man on the planet, tightrope walker, nuclear physicist, brain surgeon, fighter pilot, concert pianist and King of England.


My parents never told me I could be whatever I wanted to be. They told me what all parents should tell all children: I was blessed with a finite set of strengths. It was primarily my responsibility to discover what they were, develop them, and use them for the benefit of my fellow citizens. (I'd rather do this parenting thing than be King of England anyway.)


Ah, but those were the dark ages of parenting, when children were spanked and told to be seen and not heard and were, the statistics tell, a whole lot happier and more carefree than today's over-managed lot. In the dark ages, parents tended to tell children the truth about themselves. When children behaved badly, for example, they were not told they'd made "bad choices."


They were told they behaved badly, even atrociously, and ought to be ashamed of themselves. That's now called "shame-based" parenting. And the mental health of the American child has been in free-fall since the Great Psychological Enlightenment of the late 1960s.


Today, this "you can be anything you want to be" hooey has become ubiquitous. Enlightened parents seem to believe telling children fictions of this sort is one of the obligations of a truly caring parent. As a consequence of this lack of guidance and leadership, increasing numbers of young people in their late 20s still haven't discovered their Inner Wannabe.


I meet lots of young adults who seem to have no clue concerning what it takes to truly accomplish something of value in this life. Like the young woman who had a verbal habit of using the wrong verb tense and spoke with a lazy, almost incoherent accent who told me, with a straight face, she was thinking of becoming a veterinarian. I immediately thought of children who receive gleaming trophies and standing ovations for playing benchwarmer on the worst team in the local kids' soccer league.


Then there was the young woman who recently told me, with a straight face, that her goal in life was to win "American Idol." I could think of nothing to say except "Well, isn't that special!" Don't worry. She didn't get it.


A friend recently told me of a young relative of hers who was, during her childhood, treated like "a really big fish in a little pond." She is now a "panicked, confused, college freshman."


This young woman has been told all along that she can do and be anything she wants to do and be. In college, without her parents helping her make straight A's, she is discovering that she isn't as capable a student as she's been led to believe. "She's devastated," writes my friend.


How sad, and sadder still for the fact that this young woman's devastation can be largely credited to parents who obviously never considered the old saying to the effect that good intentions pave the road to Perdition.

Interested in a private Judaic studies instructor — for free? Let us know by clicking here.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes inspirational material. Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

We want your comments! Please let us know what you think by clicking here.

John Rosemond is a psychologist, family therapist and nationally known expert on parenting issues


Previously:


Family 'democracy' can turn to tyranny
'Because I said so' signals strong parental leadership
It's time for parents to get their heads out of the '60s



© 2010, The Charlotte Observer (Charlotte, N.C.). Distributed by McClatchy-Tribune Information Services.