
 |
|
May 22, 2013
John Thorne:
They launched the 'Arab Spring' but now yearn for the good old days of a strongman
May 20, 2013
Richard A. Serrano: Is Meir Kahane's assassin now a changed man?
Melissa Healy: Genetic copies of living people from embryos no longer science fiction
Jewz in the Newz by Nate Bloom : Jews Inducted into Rock Hall of Fame; Anton Yelchin co-stars in New "Trek" film; Kutcher (but not Kunis) visits Israel; Jewish TV Star Praises Jewish Rap Star
The Kosher Gourmet by Cathy Pollak: WARNING: This WALNUT CAKE WITH PRALINE FROSTING, perfect for afternoon coffee, is addicting
May 13, 2013
Rabbi Nathan Lopes Cardozo: Why the giving of the document that would permanently change the world could only be done in desolation
David G. Savage: Church-state, literally? Supreme Court weighing public school graduation in a church
May 10, 2013
Rabbi Berel Wein: Be all that you should be
May 8, 2013
Peter Ford: Why China is welcoming both Israel's Netanyahu and Palestinians' Abbas
Warren Richey: Obama administration quietly backs out of appeal over new contraceptive mandate
Fred Weir: At Kerry-Putin meeting, US-Russia relations thaw --- a tad
The Kosher Gourmet by Leela Cyd Ross : Almost too pretty to eat, this colorful salad with Sicilian inspiration will tickle the taste buds and delight your visual sensibility
May 6, 2013
May 3, 2013
Kids, kittens the Same? With employee perks at struggling Internet pioneer Yahoo! it's hard to tell
Sandy Kleffman: Artificial kidney offers hope to patients tethered to a dialysis machine
April 29, 2013
Roy Gutman: Poland's new Jewish museum celebrates life, doesn't revisit Holocaust
Mark Clayton: Terrorism in America: Is US missing a chance to learn from failed plots?
Kim Murphy: Boston Bomber's 'Svengali' Revealed
Pete Spotts: Tiny satellites + cellphones = cheaper 'eyes in the sky' for NASA
April 26, 2013
Clifford D. May: Defense in the Age of Jihadist Terrorism
Sharon Palmer, R.D.: How to feel your best -- with plenty of energy, a healthy weight and optimal mental and physical function -- without driving yourself batty
April 24, 2013
|
| |
Jewish World Review
Family democracy can turn to tyranny
By
John Rosemond
|  |
|
|
| |
|
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | (MCT)
This is the third in a series loosely titled "I Don't Know About You, But I'm Ready for the 1960s to be Over and Done With," in which I lament the destructive effect of that inane/insane decade on American child rearing - since known as parenting (which means to exhaust yourself in the service of your children).
Thus far, I have dealt with the nefarious notions that (a) children should be allowed to express their feelings freely and (b) the words "because I said so" cause damage to the immature psyche. (Please see archives, below)
This week, I take on the notion that the family should be democratic, first advanced by Thomas Gordon, the author of "Parent Effectiveness Training," and his acolyte Dorothy Briggs, the author of "Your Child's Self-Esteem" - without a doubt the most influential parenting books of the era.
By "democratic," Gordon and Briggs meant that children as young as 2 should have an equal say in the making of decisions that affect them even remotely. Example: Children should have veto power over chores. If that sounds inane/insane, you're beginning to get the picture.
My wife, Willie, and I began our family in 1969. That was also the year I began graduate school. It was "hip" to believe in such things as the democratic family, and so, being super-hip, Willie and I charged down the road to democracy with our first. We were going to prove that Family Utopia was within grasp.
Three years later, it was obvious to us that we had failed. Instead of democracy, we had created tyranny. The tyrant was
36 inches tall and weighed the same in pounds. Whenever we attempted to motion for a certain decision that was not to his liking, Eric screamed and threw himself around like a madman.
We, in turn, danced to his discordant tune. We danced until we found a place to stand that would cause him to stop screaming. This meant, of course, that the more we danced, the more he screamed, and the more we danced, and so on.
It took us at least another six years for us to come to grips with the fact that our parents had not done such a bad job after all and to begin raising our children, belatedly, the way we ourselves had been raised.
Fortunately for all of us, belatedly worked. But the awakening that dawned upon Willie and John Rosemond did not dawn on the culture at large. It is 30-some years later, and all too many American parents are still dancing to their children's unruly tunes, still acting as if little people with no life experience know what is best for themselves.
The epitome of this is the new practice of catering to children at family meals. Mom and Dad are eating roast beef, mashed potatoes and green beans, but 11-year-old Che' is eating a hot dog and French fries and 6-year-old Fidel is eating a grilled cheese sandwich and the only brand of potato chips he will deign to consume.
This may look like democracy, but as Willie and I painfully discovered, it is the tyranny of the Children's Republic. Furthermore, someone ought to tell the parents in question that a family shares the same food at family meals.
That is one of the things that makes them a family.
"But John," the guilty protest, "my child doesn't like roast beef and green beans!"
That, my dear, is because you serve him a hot dog instead. I'll bet there are no children in Darfur who suffer from roast beef anorexia.
Interested in a private Judaic studies instructor for free? Let us know by clicking here.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes inspirational material. Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
We want your comments! Please let us know what you think by clicking here.
John Rosemond is a psychologist, family therapist and nationally known expert on parenting issues
if (strpos(, "printer_friendly") === 0)
{}
else {
=<<
Previously:
'Because I said so' signals strong parental leadership
It's time for parents to get their heads out of the '60s
© 2010, The Charlotte Observer (Charlotte, N.C.).
Distributed by McClatchy-Tribune Information Services.
|