Jewish World Review July 29, 2010 / 18 Menachem-Av, 5770
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Michael Jackson's video supplier revealed his nightly TV viewing schedule. Each night he watched a Hitler documentary followed by the Judy Garland Show. If you were following the recipe for fried brains, this would be the point where you add the wine.
Sports Illustrated released its list of top-earning athletes Monday and listed Tiger Woods as the top earner. The exact figure varies. Tiger Woods made ninety million dollars last year, or as Elin Nordegren calls it, eighty-five million dollars.
John Kerry and his wife bought a seven-million-dollar yacht in New Zealand and docked it in Rhode Island to avoid Massachusetts taxes. The couple named the yacht The Isabel. In an effort to win the Hispanic vote they named it after the housekeeper.
Shirley Sherrod's husband Charles was caught on tape Monday saying blacks must stop white men and their Uncle Toms from stealing black House seats. This tape is trouble. Shirley's going to kill him when she finds out he's got a Russian girlfriend.
Florida reported nineteen deaths this year from the mosquito-borne virus called Dengue Fever that's similar to malaria. It came from South America. Democrats are so grateful to have an explanation for Obama Fatigue that has nothing to do with race.
Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke publicly advised the White House Sunday to extend the Bush tax cuts. The White House is furious at him. Ben Bernanke's Secret Service code name is Cochise because the government can't keep him on the reservation.
Michelle Obama announced plans Tuesday to fly to Spain for a visit to King Juan Carlos next week. Madrid will be good for her. After eighteen months in the White House she'd just like to sit back and enjoy the relative bloodless calm of a bullfight.
Joe Biden traveled to Yellowstone National Park Monday to give a speech to the park employees. There were hundreds of tourists in the crowd. People came from all over the country to see Old Faithful spew, and after the speech they watched a geyser.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton