Jewish World Review July 26, 2010 / 15 Menachem-Av, 5770
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
BP neared completion of its Gulf of Mexico relief well Thursday. The low point was in June when waterfowl were shown on the beaches covered with oil. President Obama saw part of the videotape and told the Agriculture Secretary to fire the birds.
Oakland's City Council voted to allow industrial size marijuana farms of one hundred thousand square feet. That's half the size of a football field. If you think the Red Sox and Yankees play slowly wait'll you see the length of a Raiders game this fall.
Tiger Woods was rated the top-earning athlete in the world Friday. However, his endorsement income fell after his personal life became public. He was dropped by Gillette, AT&T, Accenture, and Fidelity just laughed when his agent called to ask why.
Access Hollywood said Lindsay Lohan endured her first night in jail in Lynwood Tuesday. She's not getting much public sympathy for being forced to submit to a full-body cavity search and tasteless food. Business travel's no picnic for anybody.
President Obama was criticized by gulf businessmen for choosing to vacation in Maine last weekend instead of at the gulf beaches as Michelle urged everyone. It's easy to see why. President Obama sees himself as a great man and great men integrate Maine.
Former House Ways and Means Chairman Charlie Rangel was hit by ethics charges Thursday just like previous Ways and Means Chairman Dan Rostenkowski. Unlimited power to spend someone else's money brings out the worst in people. Just ask Mel Gibson's girlfriend.
Mel Gibson laid low Thursday as more of his racist and sexist rants were aired on radio. He drops the N-word at random and refers to his girlfriend as a hooker. If he sells one more audiotape on i-Tunes he's going to have to get his own rap label.
Al Gore was accused of sexually assaulting a massage therapist in his Beverly Hills hotel room before the Academy Awards ceremony three years ago. He must be mortified. When Al threw off his towel she gave him the Oscar for Best Animated Short.
President Obama apologized to USDA official Shirley Sherrod Thursday for firing her, mistakenly thinking she'd made a speech to the NAACP against white people. The apology came one year after he called the Boston police stupid and all hell broke loose. This is what he has to go through just to have a beer when Michelle's watching.
Shirley Sherrod appeared on the Today Show Thursday. She said she doesn't think President Obama has the life experience of a typical African-American. The White House has stopped calling Shirley Sherrod a racist and started calling her a birther.
Agriculture Secretary and former Iowa Governor Tom Vilsack apologized Thursday for firing Shirley Sherrod Friday, saying it was his decision alone. Nobody believed him. Governors never fire anybody, that's why the state budgets are in so much trouble.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton