Jewish World Review July 5, 2010 / 23 Tamuz 5770
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Al Gore's masseuse told cops her liberal friends talked her out of pressing sex assault charges against him because the earth might perish from global warming if Al Gore was publicly shamed. She told everything to the National Enquirer. It's the second-worst spill of the year.
Betty White's series Hot in Cleveland drew big ratings for TV Land. It's about a ninety-year-old blonde, two divorcees and a teenage daughter. The only way a TV show can succeed today is by tricking viewers into thinking it's an Internet porn site.
Elena Kagan backed Commerce Clause expansion, which liberals say gives the U.S. government the power to do whatever it wants. The clause was used to desegregate lunch counters in the South. The clogged arteries from that law have killed more people than the Civil War.
The IOC announced Tuesday it will press Saudi Arabia to send women athletes to the London Olympics to promote gender equality. The country doesn't have any female athletes. Every Saudi woman who can run, jump, or swim is in Kuwait by now.
Louisiana shrimp boat operators stated Wednesday the industry has taken a huge hit from the BP disaster this month. This entire oil spill could cheat Southerners out of their fair share of Social Security. Less fresh shrimp means more fried chicken.
President Obama refused comment three times Wednesday on the arrest of Russian spies in the U.S. He stayed cool. The president didn't want to talk about the arrest of Russian secret agents because he's really only comfortable talking about himself.
Sandra Bullock's marriage to Jesse James ended Monday in divorce. She got what she ordered when they met. She wasn't wearing her reading glasses when she wrote her eHarmony profile and she accidentally typed in that she was looking for Mr. Reich.
Mexico filed suit in U.S. court Tuesday and hinted at sanctions in reprisal over Arizona's immigration law. They are a huge trading partner. In addition to oil, beer, tequila silver and strawberries, Mexico is the number-one producer of Americans.
L.A. sheriffs discovered a pot farm with one hundred thousand plants hidden in the mountains last week. The cops had no choice but to destroy the lucrative harvest. This November marijuana will be legal in California but profits will still be a crime.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton