Jewish World Review July 7, 2009 / 15 Tamuz 5769
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Bubbles the Chimp was not invited to Michael Jackson's memorial at the Staples Center. He's living in an animal shelter for great apes in Florida. It was twenty-four years ago today that Bubbles ran away from the circus to join the Jackson family.
The Drug Enforcement Agency was summoned Thursday to help in the investigation of Michael Jackson's unexpected death last week. The entire story is bizarre and chaotic. No one even believed he was dead until Al Sharpton showed up in Los Angeles.
The Staples Center hosts Michael Jackson's funeral in Los Angeles today. There will be a million people on the streets. That's how many people feel cheated that there was no riot after the Lakers' win and think the town owes them a flat screen.
President Obama will fly to Italy for the Group of Eight meeting this week. He's scheduled a long meeting with Pope Benedict at the Vatican Friday. He said he's been doing a lot of research on which church to join, but this is ridiculous.
President Obama visits a castle in Ghana Saturday which was a hub of the slave trade in Africa. It's hard for him. He's torn between his hatred for slavery and his belief that a one hundred percent tax rate will solve all of the problems in the world.
The World Series of Poker began its fortieth year in Las Vegas Saturday at the Rio Hotel and Casino. No woman has ever placed higher than fifth. Women with top skills in lying and deception can do a lot better than the jackpot in some poker tournament.
Mark Sanford refused calls for him to resign as governor of South Carolina. He spent the Fourth of July in Florida trying to reconcile with his wife. Womanizers around the country agreed it was a rather inappropriate way to spend Independence Day.
Lady Liberty re-opened to tourists in New York Saturday. The sculptor depicted Frances Stuart, a English girl who refused to sleep with Charles II even after he put her image on British coins as Britannia, later copied in America as Lady Liberty. Until Emma Lazarus wrote that poem the monument was known as the Statue of Abstinence.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton