Home
In this issue
April 21, 2014

Andrew Silow-Carroll: Passoverkill? Suggestions to make next year's seders even more culturally sensitive

Sara Israelsen Hartley: Seeking the Divine: An ancient connection in a new context

Christine M. Flowers: Priest's execution in Syria should be call to action

Courtnie Erickson: How to help kids accept the poor decisions of others

Lizette Borreli: A Glass Of Milk A Day Keeps Knee Arthritis At Bay

Lizette Borreli: 5 Health Conditions Your Breath Knows Before You Do

The Kosher Gourmet by Betty Rosbottom Coconut Walnut Bars' golden brown morsels are a beautifully balanced delectable delight

April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review July 2, 2009 / 11 Tamuz 5769

It's enough to make your wig spin

By Lori Borgman

Lori Borgman
Printer Friendly Version
Email this article

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Since we'll be commemorating the anniversary of the Declaration of Independence this week, it seems a fitting time to update you Founders on a few things that have happened since you began this nation.


No, Ben, we're not going to open the meeting in prayer. Yes, we know that at the Constitutional Convention in Philadelphia you moved that sessions be opened with prayer, but there wasn't enough money to hire a chaplain.


Yes, sir, we have the money. Yes, sir, it is rumored you can still find a few people of faith in our nation's capital; it's just that praying in public is discouraged these days.


We can however, pause for a moment of silence. Heads bowed, please. One one-thousand, two one-thousand. All righty, thanks fellas.


What's that, George? You're wondering about the stature of the office of the presidency? Yes, we are aware you had concerns that office not be treated like royalty.


Well, and I think you're going to get a kick out of this, sir, — the editor of Newsweek said that our president, Barack Obama, stands above the country and the world, "he's sort of G-d."


George? Could someone get George the smelling salts? Clear a path, please. Thank you.


Mr. Madison, Mr. Hamilton and Mr. Jay, you will appreciate knowing that the Constitution is still with us. It is treated like soft clay, but the frame is still there. A few changes of note:


We no longer fear the federal government or seek to limit it one iota.


Is Ben's wig spinning? Could someone calm that man down?


What's that, George? Government is like fire? It is a dangerous servant and a fearful master?


We're embracing the "master" phase right now, sir. The federal government has taken over banks, mortgage companies, insurance companies and automobile companies. The feds are racking up trillions of dollars in debt it will take generations to pay and selling our notes to the Chinese.


Mr. Hamilton, please quit moaning! Others can't hear.


Just a few more things. Security, could you move down front? The Randolph contingency is getting restless. The federal government is about to provide health care for every man, woman and child. Government bureaucrats will tell people what procedures they can have done and which doctors they can see.


I knew you'd be excited! Calm down, gentlemen! Big government is our friend now.


No, there wasn't any bloodshed. No battle. We just handed omnipotence to the feds on a silver platter.


America's enemies? There's no shortage, gentlemen. They've sworn to kill us. We had a number of them locked up in a prison called Guantanamo, but we're setting them free. We sent a few to a beautiful tropical island and the rest we may bring up here to the States. We fight our battles with words these days - adverbs, adjectives, prepositional phrases, alliteration.


No, Mr. Jefferson, I'm not joking.


What's that Mr. Jay? Doesn't anyone read the Constitution or the Federalist Papers?


It's such dry reading, sir. All those big words and no pictures. If you could get someone to do a music video about them, you might gain some interest. We're just not that into reading anymore — we do Twitter though.


It's not a bird, Mr. Hancock. Twitter is a — oh, never mind.


What's that, Ben? Have we never heard of liberty?


Of course we have. It's a bar over on Broadway.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Lori Borgman is the author of , most recently, "Catching Christmas" (Click HERE to purchase. Sales help fund JWR.) and I Was a Better Mother Before I Had Kids To comment, please click here. To visit her website click here.

ARCHIVES

© 2009, Lori Borgman

Columnists

Toons

Lifestyles