Jewish World Review July 24, 2008 / 21 Tamuz 5768
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Oklahoma oilman Boone Pickens proposed wind energy in a Senate hearing Tuesday. He's been an oilman all his life but he says America has to wean itself off oil. This new law saying bartenders have to tell you when you've had enough is a real pain.
The Dark Knight star Christian Bale was arrested for assaulting his mother and sister in a London hotel room. Everyone in Hollywood understood. It's what you've got to do to get your picture in the newspaper without that silly mask over your face.
John Edwards was caught by the National Enquirer with his mistress and love child at the Beverly Hilton Monday. It's lucky the former presidential candidate is one of the nation's best personal injury lawyers. He can represent himself after Elizabeth kills him.
Paul McCartney's ex-wife Heather Mills moved to West Hollywood Monday. She has finally found where she belongs. If it weren't for the music on the ice cream truck, people in West Hollywood wouldn't know when it's time for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
The Weather Channel tracked Hurricane Dolly in the Gulf of Mexico as it neared landfall in South Texas Tuesday. No evacuation was ordered. Nevertheless, a lot of families drove to Dallas just to feel what it's like to get a hundred miles per gallon.
Senator Larry Craig gave a Senate speech Tuesday that raised eyebrows. He said the U.S. shouldn't let other countries jerk us around by the gas nozzle. If he had said that with his foot he would have been thrown in jail for violating his probation.
Barack Obama was applauded by U.S. troops in a gym in Iraq Monday when he shot a basket from twenty feet. U.S. troops aren't allowed to play favorites. John McCain got the same applause from the troops last month when he shot a prisoner from twenty feet.
Barack Obama issued a strict dress code for staffers and media while they were in Israel and Muslim countries. The campaign didn't want to offend any religious group in the region. People in the Middle East don't worship Obama the way reporters do.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton