Jewish World Review July 8, 2008 / 5 Tamuz 5768
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Crocodile Dundee star Paul Hogan sued the Internal Revenue Service Thursday to keep them from helping Australian tax collectors who are pursuing him. He laughed it off to reporters. Fighting with the IRS is the Senior Tour for crocodile wrestlers.
Oregon daredevil Kent Couch took off for Idaho Saturday in a lawn chair attached to one hundred fifty helium-filled party balloons. It was very professionally planned. He wasn't in the air five minutes before he refused to serve himself peanuts
Barack Obama hinted last week he may give his acceptance speech at Denver's Invesco Field at Mile High. There's good reason. He thinks if he commits himself to giving an hour-long speech outdoors at five thousand feet altitude, it will force him to quit smoking.
Barack Obama spoke at the African Methodist Episcopal conference Saturday. He's recently turned conservative on gun control, wiretapping and withdrawal from Iraq. If he turns Episcopalian it'll take a DNA test to distinguish him from President Bush.
The Methodist Church's South Central Jurisdiction meets next week in Dallas to hear a challenge to the Bush Library being built at SMU. They object most to the think tank that will be attached to the library. Stagnant water just breeds mosquitoes.
The FDA was swamped by complaints from tomato growers that tomato sales have been killed by the false publicity about salmonella poisoning. Jalapeno peppers from Mexico are now suspected. If they don't find the tainted jalapeno peppers before the next census, it's going to cost the Southwest dozens of congressional seats.
Christie Brinkley wept on the witness stand in her divorce trial in Long Island Thursday. She was describing how she learned that her husband was cheating on her. She spoke at a school assembly and none of the senior girls would look her in the eye.
Barack Obama apologized in Montana for not walking in a July Fourth parade. He said the Secret Service would have made the crowd hold up their hands as he walked by. To Democrats he'd look like Jesus and to Republicans he'd look like a bank robber.
Barack Obama backtracked on his anti-war message Thursday, indicating he could take two years to pull U.S. troops from Iraq. He originally promised a pullout in two months. He started out in this campaign totally against war, but after one tour around the country he has gotten to know the Anglo-Saxons and he'd like to be elected.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton