Jewish World Review July 27, 2007 / 12 Menachem-Av, 5767
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards went bicycle riding with Lance Armstrong at an Iowa event Wednesday. The personal injury attorney told reporters that he doesn't ride a bicycle very often. It's hard to catch an ambulance on a bicycle.
NBA referee Tim Donaghy was described Tuesday as a gambling addict who fixed games to pay off bookies. It was obvious during All-Star weekend. Right after he landed at Las Vegas Airport he lost five hundred dollars playing the luggage cart dispensers.
Lindsay Lohan was arrested for drunk driving for the second time in two months Tuesday in Beverly Hills and cocaine was found inside her pocket. She could wind up in jail for a long time. Her mother is so upset she is trying to adopt Britney Spears.
BALCO chemist Patrick Arnold accused Barry Bonds Tuesday of using steroids the year he broke the single-season home run record. Arnold invented the clear steroid cream. There's no way to detect it until every shortstop in the league is on Babe Ruth's pace.
The New England Medical Journal said Tuesday obesity is a socially transmitted disease. It's more visible in some places than others. No hurricane or tornado will ever blow away the Las Vegas Airport because it's so weighed down with Americans.
The Transportation Security Administration warned screeners Wednesday to be on the lookout for passengers carrying cheese aboard airline flights. This makes no sense at all. Why would happy cows from California want to destroy the United States?
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton