Jewish World Review July 26, 2007 / 11 Menachem-Av, 5767
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Russian President Vladimir Putin ratcheted up the rhetoric in his dispute with Britain Tuesday. He doesn't like Britain pressuring him to extradite a suspect in the murder of a former KGB spy and he called it outdated colonial thinking. It's just like the leader of a former empire to act like he gave up colonialism intentionally.
Homeland Security drastically cut the anti-terror funds slated for Los Angeles last week. It's no secret why. They've seen the jewelry on that Telemundo anchorwoman and they're not giving us any more terror funds until we have a monogamous mayor.
Fred Thompson fired his campaign manager Monday because he didn't get along with his trophy wife. She's forty years old and every article about her says she's too young and too sexy. Now every woman in America wants to marry a presidential candidate.
The National Football League said Monday it will conduct its own investigation into dogfighting. The league has a real interest in the sport. They've been looking for many years to find a Super Bowl halftime show that can compete with the Lingerie Bowl.
NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell ordered Michael Vick out of the Atlanta Falcons training camp until the dogfighting charges are examined. In advertising, Michael Vick's name is poison. His agent just negotiated a seven-figure deal to endorse Chinese toothpaste.
Barry Bonds will try to break Henry Aaron's all-time home run record this week in San Francisco despite his slump. As of Tuesday he had just three hits in his last thirty times up. Only Promises treatment center in Malibu has a lower batting average.
Lindsay Lohan was arrested for drunk driving in Beverly Hills again on Tuesday and cocaine was found on her. Her ankle monitor worked perfectly. The ones they give you in Los Angeles alert the nearest liquor store the moment you are a quart low
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton